Day 106 - Regret, Reflect, and Restart

I wish I could say that I've been kicking ass, and just not writing this blog because I've been so busy working out, but I can't. I haven't given up completely - I still work out 3 or 4 days a week. The problem is I'm in a rut. The classes I used to take (Lift and Sculpt, Spinning, Yoga) are starting to feel routine and boring. That's why I've started working out at home more, but I feel like I'm not getting the same workout. I not working out for nearly as long, and definitely not at same level of exhaustion. I take that back. During some workouts - like interval sprinting on the treadmill - I'm beat after 30 minutes. But I used to be beat after Spinning, and that lasted for 50 minutes.

So now, I work out 3 days a week, but it's for a total of 90 minutes instead of close to 200. And that makes a big difference. This is why I can't be surprised that after over 100 days, I'm in the same place I was after 70 days. When, in reality, if I had been pushing myself like I told myself I would, who knows where I'd be or what changes I'd see in myself.

This isn't the first time I've done this, and I wish I knew why I did these things. I get super excited about something in the beginning - working out, embroidery, baking - and it almost becomes an obsession. But then, inevitably, I start to get bored with it, and make excuses as to why I'm not into anymore, and then forget about it and move on. But I don't want to do that with working out. And the rational side of me knows that, and screams at me to not let it happen, but yet for the past month it has. At least I haven't completely stopped, but if I'm being honest with myself I've only been going at 50%.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? How do you get past it? Maybe I just need to change up my workouts ever few months so that I stay excited with it. Or maybe I just need to suck it up and realize that I may not always enjoy working out, but it necessary and I need to stop bitching. I think it's a combination of the 2, with an emphasis on the personal ass kicking. I just feel so tired of my bullshit. I can pay lip service until I'm blue in the face, but when push comes to shove I quit. Or I half ass it. And I don't want to anymore, but I don't know what to do.

So here is my plan. Knowing what I know about myself, I realize that it may not be realistic to work out for an hour a day, 6 days a week. Right now that is. Would I like to work up to that? Hell yeah! But you know what I can do right now? 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week. 30 minutes of cardio - walking, jogging, whatever it might be, but 30 minutes 5 days a week. And I know that I want to work strength training in there as well, 2 days a week to start.

Now you might be thinking that this sounds crazy, and I'm once again setting myself up to fail because this requires me to do something every day. But this plan is flexible. Lets say I'm going out after work one day. So I take what I'm supposed to do that day and add it to a day that I'm doing strength training, or vice versa. But I am purposely making this tough on me, so I can prove to myself that I can do it. And really, what's 30 minutes a day? NOTHING. And once I get into that routine, let's say 1 month from now (Day 136), I'll bump it up to 45 minutes a day. By then the routine will be set (hopefully) and I'll just bump up the amount of time.

I really think I can do this. I mean, I don't have a choice do I? If I don't I'll just keep coasting along, doing the minimum, and then feeling down that I'm not improving. Well no shit Sherlock! If you put in the minimum you get out the minimum. Sure, I've got more muscle definition, and my endurance is more than it was back in January, but there's still fat there. I'm still not as healthy as I want to be. So it's now or never. If I don't step it up I might as well stop altogether, because there's no point otherwise.

So, that's where I am right now. I'm restarting my quest to get healthy - 106 days in. Better now than never, right?

~Catie

Day 81 - A Date with a Treadmill

I was beat today, which is why I jumped at the chance to go to the movies with my husband right after work. Nothing like a good comedy (we went to see Date Night - really funny!) to make you feel better, right? What made me feel even better was that I didn't use the movies as an excuse to not work out, even though I really wanted to.

Luckily I specifically told Andy to not let me use it as an excuse. What can I say? I know myself and know that if I went to the movies at 5, by the time I got home at 7 I'd be tired and would still have to make dinner, get ready for bed, yada yada yada. Same excuse different day. But instead, I got home, changed into my workout clothes, grabbed my iPod, and went to the basement. No sitting on the couch, no turning on the laptop, nothing. Like I said, I know myself and I know my excuses.

I found a cardio workout on Self Magazine's website, and I was excited to try it for 2 reasons. 1) It was intervals, which I really enjoy because I think it makes the time go faster, and 2) it was only 25 minutes long because it was pretty intense. The workout consisted of a warm up for a few minutes, and then sprint for 30 seconds, recover for 90 seconds, repeat, for 25 minutes. I actually continued the cool down for an additional 5 minutes because my heart was still beating pretty fast by the end of the 25 minutes. But I figured that would happen - I mean, when's the last time I sprinted for any amount of time at 8mph? I can tell you - NEVER. But I felt really rejuvenated after the workout, which sounds kind of strange since it wore me out so much, but I really did have a lot of energy after.

Maybe it was the sense of accomplishment of not using the movies as an excuse, or trying something new, or even doing cardio for the first time since being sick. I think it was a combination of all 3, but regardless of what is was, the result was the same - I felt great. And that's reason enough to keep it up. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 90

Healthy dinners I've cooked so far this week: 3

Day 79 - Don't Call It a Comeback!

Hello? Anyone still out there? It's me, Catie. You know, the woman trying to get healthy? Just incase you forgot, since it's been 2 weeks since I last posted anything. Ugh. I'm sorry. I wish I could say I was doing something super fun - like vacationing in the Caribbean or something, but I wasn't. I was sick. Again. At first I thought it was allergies that started kicking my ass early last week, but then I got laryngitis. Good times! And I still have a wicked cough and stuffy head, but at least I was finally able to work out last night for the first time in over a week and a half. And it felt great! (Imagine Tony the Tiger's voice here - it made me laugh).

Anyway, I think it did my body some good taking a break from working out - and not because I couldn't breathe last week and probably would have passed out if I even attempted to do anything active - but because I was able to really see my improvement over the past 11 weeks or so. Normally taking a week and a half off would have derailed me, but there I was in Lift and Sculpt yesterday like it was part of my routine. Because it is now. It's right there with getting up and going to work.

Also, normally taking off that much time would have set me back a lot. And don't get me wrong - I am freaking SORE today - but that happens after every lift and sculpt. What I realized though was that I didn't lose any of my strength. I was still able to lift what I was before I got sick, which was a great feeling. I'm not going to use that as an excuse to take another long break if I can help it, but still - it was nice to know that I wasn't back at square one. Of course I haven't had spinning yet, so we'll see how that goes.

I am starting to get frustrated about getting sick so often though. It was less than a month ago that I had a sinus infection, and now this? I thought working out was supposed to help you from getting sick! But I'm finding out that what you eat is just as important as working out. And I realized something yesterday in the shower - I'm not 18 anymore. I'm going to be 27 in September, and it's about time that I realized that I can't just eat whatever I want, and justify it by working out. I need to exercise and eat better if I'm going to start to feel better - both physically and emotionally.

Of course, that's easier said than done isn't it? But looking back, I said the same thing about working out and now it's a part of my schedule. I just have to use that same motivation - and this blog - to get me out of my food comfort zone and trying new things. Will I like them all? Of course not. But at least I can try, and maybe even learn something about myself. Couldn't hurt, right? Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Healthy dinners I've cooked so far this week: 1

Day 64 - Workout Block

First, let me apologize for not keeping up with the blog over the past week. Some of it was real life getting in the way, some of it was laziness, and some of it was - for lack of a better term - writer's block. Now you may be wondering how I could have writer's block since I'm writing about my life, but I did. I can't tell you why either because I worked out 3 days last week, but nothing seemed interesting enough to write about. Nothing was new - no new challenges, no new epiphanies. It was just a regular week. And there's nothing wrong with that, it just doesn't make for a very interesting blog! So I tried to deal with my writer's block by figuring out the cause.

I came to the conclusion that hitting a weight-loss plateau is the equivalent of writer's block in the fitness world. I mean, think about it. You literally hit a wall when you can't loose any more weight, just like you hit a wall when writing. And it's always the last 5 or 10 pounds or so, isn't it? When you're so close to reaching your goal but it's still out of reach. I'm not a writer, so I don't know if that's what happens with writer's block, but I can imagine the frustration is the same regardless of when in the process it happens, or what the activity is.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I've hit a plateau or not in my get healthy plan, because I'm not keeping track of my weight. Well...that's not entirely true. I mean, there's a scale in the locker room at the gym, right by the sinks, and it calls my name every time I'm there! And I gave in last week. I stepped on the scale, and at first I did not like what I saw. I was still 155 pounds! Still the same weight as I was 2 months ago! How was that possible?? I've been working out for a least 3 hours every week for the past 9 weeks, and still weighed the same.

But the more I thought about it, the more okay I was with being the same weight. Why? Because like I said when I started this whole thing, it's not about the number, it's about how I feel. It's about reaching my goals, and getting healthier. So I decided to see if I had reached one of my goals - my goals pants. You remember those, right? The one size too small, gray skinny jeans I bought a few weeks back. Well I decided to try them on, and guess what? THEY FIT!! They actually fit, and not in a sausage squeezed too tight into it's casing kind of way, but in a "wow these are actually my size" way!

And in that moment I realized I did not care what the damn scale said. In fact, that scale can kiss my gray, skinny jean clad ass. Because I reached a goal - the first of many. And no piece of electronics is going to make me feel bad about myself, with some random digital number it spits out. That's supposed to define me? I don't think so. Not anymore anyway. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 60

Day 57 - What a Difference a Week Makes

Wow. That's all I have to say. I'm not sure if it was the week off from working out, being sick, not getting enough sleep - probably some combination of the three - but I was struggling today. Really struggling. We were doing squats and lunges, and I was getting light-headed. It was frustrating too because my muscles could take more, but I just couldn't. But I guess that's my body's way of telling me to slow down. Sometimes I just have a problem listening to what my body's telling me.

I have that happen a lot when I'm working out, which is funny because I have NO problem listening when my body tells me I feel sick, or hungry, or I'm tired and need to go to bed. But for some reason when I start working out, it's almost like I'm determined to get everything possible out of the time I'm putting in, so I push myself. That then leads to me getting lightheaded or getting my heart rate up too high, and then I feel crappy. But if I just looked at it rationally - Hey! You're going to hard. Slow down crazy lady! - then I wouldn't have this problem. But hindsight's 20/20 I guess.

It's hard to find a balance between going to hard, and just doing enough to get by, isn't it? I think that's part of my problem. I'm putting in my hour, so I feel like I have to go as hard as possible for that hour because if I don't then I'm not putting in my full effort. But it's not healthy to do that. And I recognize that - when I'm not working out. A lot of my problems stem from my perception of what I'm supposed to be doing, or how hard I'm supposed to be going, instead of just letting it happen. And letting it happen doesn't mean going easy on myself - I came to the realization yesterday that that's not an option. But I have to listen to myself, and maybe push a little bit more when I know I'm just trying to give up, but slow down when I know I'm going to0 hard. Now if I can just recognize when that happens. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 56 - Making Excuses for Myself to Myself

So I got it - the sickness. That doesn't really narrow it down since it seems like every other day there's a new bug going around, but mine was a fever, sore throat, and congestion. Ugh. I managed to work out on Monday, but not since then. I literally had NO energy. We're talking sleeping for 12 hours, and then napping during the day for another 3. I was worried about getting sick since that has derailed me in the past. Luckily I'm at the end of month two, so I'm definitely in a routine and have been for a while. But even as it stands right now, I'm worried about working out tomorrow. It's been a week! And even longer than that since I've done lift and sculpt. But I've gone too far now to stop now. Will I be able to walk on Tuesday? Probably not. But I'd rather be sore from getting back on the wagon then be disappointed in myself for not going back.

I'm disappointed in myself already for how poorly month 2 ended. I mean I did get sick, and I understand that. But the week before I didn't do much either. Month 1 ended so well too. Part of me can't even believe that it's already the end of month two - 8 weeks from when I first started working out and first started this blog. I can say that I do notice a difference. Is it a huge difference? No...but I notice it. My endurance is up for sure - I don't completely want to die every spinning class. And I do have more muscles, they're just still hiding under some extra body mass. Okay, let's be honest. They're hiding under fat. There! I said it. I feel better now.

It is funny how much you try to lie to yourself, or convince yourself of something that you know is not true. Like it's not fat that's hiding my muscles, it's body mass. Or I vacuumed today, so that should count as my workout. That's totally a workout. Except it's not. Is it being active? Sure. But it's not the same as spinning or kickboxing or even taking a walk. But how many times have I vacuumed and convinced myself it's a workout? To keep with my honest streak here - almost every Sunday. At least now I call myself out on my lie, but I still don't change it. I didn't try and get to spinning or yoga this afternoon, even though today was the first day I felt up to it. Wouldn't someone dedicated to working out do that? Jump right back in at the first available opportunity? Am I really just paying lip service to this whole Catie Gets Healthy thing?? I don't want to think that I am, but part of me wonders. Am I just doing what I have to do to say I'm trying? Am I pushing myself as hard as I possibly can? Keeping with the honesty again - no I'm not. I'm really not. I'm doing more than I was 2 months ago, but that's like saying 3 is more than zero. Sure it's true, but anything is greater than zero.

So that's where I'm at. It's the end of month 2 and I've finally admitted to myself that while I'm trying to get healthy, I'm not putting in as much effort as I should be. I'm coasting along at 3 days a week of going to the gym, and expecting huge results. Not. Going. To. Happen. And I know that this is going to sound the same as my month 1 recap, but unfortunately it still applies: I'm going to go to the gym at least 5 days a week. Monday through Friday. And if I can't get out of work early for Lift and Sculpt, then I will go the gym and do something else. No more excuses. And if I can't go one day during the week, then I get my lazy butt up on Saturday morning and go to the gym then. But enough is enough. I'm 26 years old and I'm still making excuses for myself, to myself. But not anymore.

~Catie

Day 50 (part two) - I need chocolate

Treadmills are a real bitch. I wasn't able to get out of work on time, and I missed lift and sculpt, which annoyed me. I was really close to going home and vegging out, but decided I had to do something. And my reward would be to eat some ice cream. Which is exactly what I'm doing right now. And, I don't feel too bad because it's a tasty Weight Watchers candy bar ice cream treat!

Luckily I made a fun, rocking playlist the other day because I really needed it on the treadmill. I was determined to work out as long as I would have normally today, so I jumped on the treadmill for 60 minutes. It started off great too - for about 10 minutes - then I was bored, and counting down the seconds. Which, as you know, makes the time go more slowly. I swear it happens. After about 20 minutes I was bored and breathing heavy, which makes the time go by doubly slow. I think I listened to "Telephone" by Lady Gaga & Beyonce, and "Hard" by Rihanna at least 3 times each. It's the only reason I got through the second half of my workout. Oh, and "Imma Be" by the Black Eyed Peas. For some reason those songs were all I wanted to hear.

So now I'm here, eating my candy ice cream bar and watching some terrible TV. I think it's now officially time to get to bed. I'm actually pretty tired from my workout, which I'm surprised about because I normally associate working out at home on the treadmill as a second rate workout. I'm not sure why either because I went for 60 minutes, and my heart rate was definitely consistently up. It's just some weird mental block I guess, which I'm getting over very quickly. And it doesn't really matter how I feel about the exercise I did today. The most important thing is that I worked out, and that's all that matters. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 50 - New York State of Mind

You still with me? I'm here I swear, I've just been MIA for a few days. Unfortunately this time I was MIA from the blog and the gym, so I'm feeling pretty blah today. I actually feel like I did 2 months ago before I even started working out. I'm tired, feeling lazy, and just kind of down. (That's why I'm writing this blog on Monday morning - I was too lazy to write last night but told myself I had to this morning). I only went to the gym 2 days last week, and both those days were lift and sculpt, which has a little cardio but not enough for it to count. And then I went to NYC this weekend and walked around a lot of Friday, but that's also not quite the same as spinning for 50 minutes.

Going to NYC was great - I got to see my family, do some shopping, and went to the opera on Saturday. My only problem with NYC is that it does a number on my self confidence and body image. I know it's not true, but I feel like everyone there is thin, gorgeous, and stylish. And then there I am with my sneakers and rain jacket. I can deal with that though - I'm not from NYC and that's okay. My biggest problem is when I went shopping. NOTHING FIT! And I really think the sizes are based on the shape of a 12 year old. I mean seriously! Why do you have a bunch of size 25 jeans (based on waist measurement), but no 30's?? And can you make a pair of jeans that aren't skinny??

I found lots of cute jackets and shirts, but every time I tired on a pair of jeans that would normally be my size, I couldn't even get them up my legs. And then I went up one or two sizes and managed to squeeze them on, but the waist was way too big! It was really frustrating since I could really use some new jeans. And I'm worried that now that I'm strength training my legs are just going to keep getting bigger and more muscular, and this problem is going to keep growing (no pun intended, but it made me giggle). AAAHHH!

Does anyone out there have this problem, and if so what do you do? Is there a brand of jeans you like, that actually fit you? Am I going to have to start to get my jeans tailored so they fit properly? I'm lost, and feeling down about everything - my lack of clothes that fit, my frustration about how I look - I'm just feeling blah. That's really the best way to describe it.

At least I'm back at the gym this afternoon for lift and sculpt, and the women in that class are great and really encouraging. I just hope it'll get me out of this funk. Til this afternoon.

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: None*

*yet

Day 45 - What's Fruit Got To Do With It?

I'm tired. Straight up exhausted. And it's starting to get annoying. I understand why I'm tired right now - I worked all day, worked out, and then went back to work to volunteer for our Spring Pledge Drive until 11pm. That all makes sense, and I believe it's legit. But what about earlier in the week? Or the week before that? I really thought that working out was supposed to up your energy level, but mine doesn't feel any different than before I started working out. Maybe my laziness back then helped store up energy? I'm not sure that's the way it's supposed to work, but that would be just my luck if it was. I mean, I manage to get into a workout routine, and it makes me so tired that I can't keep up with it.

I just can't buy that explanation though. I've done lots of research online (which I'm sure is 100% accurate - but whatever) and it all pretty much tells me that same thing: exercising helps increase energy. This sounds like common sense, but my body says otherwise. As I was reading more I found something that made me say 'oh...so that's why I'm tired all the time' and hit myself on the forehead at the same time. What was it? Eat better!

I'm not sure if anyone out there watches How I Met Your Mother, but on Monday there was a hilarious episode with Jennifer Lopez, who plays the author of the book Of Course You're Still Single, Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut. Blunt and to the point. And that's how I felt after I read about eating better - Of Course You Can't Lose Weight, Take a Look at Your Food, You Crazy Woman!

And I really didn't think I ate that poorly. I drink lots of water, try to watch my calories, and limit my junk food. But I was definitely missing fruits and vegetables in my diet, which has a lot of necessary healthy vitamins, as well as fiber to make you feel full. A lot of you may be thinking that this is common sense, and I know that it is. I can recite to you lots of great healthy eating tips. But that doesn't mean I'm able to makes those ideas a reality. In fact, I'm not - and I'm suffering for it.

I think it's time to take my get healthy plan to the next level. I've established a fitness routine, which I'm trying to build on that even more. I've also been keeping a food log, which is not quite as consistent as the working out, but it's getting there! But I think that I really need to get to a nutritionist and get some ideas. Why should I be putting in almost 300 minutes a week working out, if what I'm eating is negating everything, or almost everything, I'm putting in. That's crazy! I guess that's why people say "diet AND exercise" not "diet OR exercise". Sorry if I'm stating the obvious, but sometimes you have to say things out loud to make them real. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 120

Day 43 - Spinning and Skating and Sculpting - Oh My!

I know it's been awhile since I posted, but that's not because I haven't been working out. I have lots of free time now that Andy and I are done watching Battlestar Galatica (I have an inner nerd - don't judge!), and last Friday night a group of friends and I went ice skating, and it was really fun! I was sore from spinning the day before, but let's be honest - it's not like the soreness of spinning impeded my amazing skating skills. I was just happy to not fall down - and I didn't! I wasn't landing any triple toe-loops, but I didn't take out any small children either. So I'm counting it as a victory.

Ice skating really got me thinking about how excited I am for spring, which I know sounds strange (I promise I didn't hit my head), but it's true. Why? Because once it's nice out I can start doing different activities for my workouts. Skating really made me realize how fun it is to do something active with my friends, and I didn't even notice that I had been exercising for over 90 minutes! And once spring rolls around I can go for evening walks with Andy, and weekend hikes and canoeing trips with my friends. It's just going to be nice to mix up the workouts so I don't get bored, and to be able to get some fresh air.

I really needed some fresh air during lift and sculpt today. I'm not sure why exactly, but I got really lightheaded lifting today and just really missed the fresh air of being outside. I love that class, don't get me wrong, but I really just wanted to be in the sun. I think this may be a symptom of my larger cabin fever issues, but it doesn't change the fact that I want it to be warm out! I want to be doing things outside! I want to be able to drive around with my car windows down and not freeze, or get snow in the car! Yup, definitely suffering from cabin fever. But I think (finally) spring is around the corner. Then I can do all those fun things outside, until it starts to get too hot and I need AC. =0) Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 38 - Beat + Exhausted = Behausted

Let me just apologize in advance for this short blog post. I'm freaking beat. I'm not sure why either - it's not like work has been really stressful or I've had a bunch of shoots - but I am anyway. I did have Lift and Sculpt today, which definitely didn't help my behaustion (I'm going to make that word combo happen, just wait).

I think it's messing my emotions too because I just got choked up during a commercial for "The Locator", a show on WE where this guy finds people's lost relatives. I have never even seen the show, and I'm tearing up over the commercial. Yup. Definitely time for some sleep.

I really hope I'm not getting sick. Obviously I don't want to get sick because being sick is not a good time. But even more than that, I really don't want to miss a bunch of workouts because that would be tough to recover from. Being sick has derailed me in the past, and I don't want it to happen again. So it seems that it's now time for sleep, since I've already checked off drink hot tea and take a long shower. And now I can check off write blog. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 170

Day 37 - The Quest for Carrie Underwood Legs

Today was spinning class, and it was great! I know that sounds strange since I normally consider spinning to be a necessary evil in my quest for healthiness, but I had a really good time today. It was a tough workout, but fun too. And as I was spinning along, trying to convince myself to up the resistance just a little more I thought to myself, I want Carrie Underwood legs! You can't quit now! I bet Carrie didn't quit, and look at her legs! (No seriously - look at them. They're RIDICULOUS.)

Granted a lot of that is genetics, and I understand that my legs are probably not going to look like that. But I can try, and I can use that as motivation. Now, I'm not trying to look like a celebrity - I've said before that I'm not interested in looking like a skinny starlet anymore than I am a bodybuilder. And I know that being fit and attractive is a big part of their job description - they work out for hours a day! And no actual person has that kind of time. But that doesn't mean we can't strive to have our own personal version of Carrie Underwood legs, or Fergie's abs, or Jessica Biel's arms - whatever that may look like for us.

And that's what I'm going for. It's funny, but when I started out with my get-healthy plan I really just wanted to be healthier, and if I saw some physical changes then that would be a bonus. And it's still a bonus. But now that I'm actually starting to see some changes, I'm excited and I want to see where it takes me. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 110

Day 36 - Getting Back on the Wagon HURTS!

Somebody PLEASE remind me of how tired and sore I am the next time I even consider taking 4 days off from working out. I mean seriously! I've been working out for over a month now, and I feel like I'm just starting out. Luckily just laying on the couch watching TV doesn't require too much effort because I don't have a whole lot to spare. Even an extra long hot shower didn't help. There's only one thing that can help now - a tasty Weight Watchers Ice Cream Candy Bar!

It's been a while since I had any tasty low-calorie foods to share, but I found a new one when I went to Wegmans yesterday. They're called Bagel Thins and they're made by Thomas', and the best part? They're only 110 calories!! Plus they come in whole wheat! I love bagels - probably more than I should since they are pretty bad for you. And now not only can I have a bagel with light cream cheese in the morning if I want, I can make a tasty egg white and cheese sandwich on one! I know I sound really excited about these, but I love carbs. I really do. Pasta, bread, baked goods, bagels - all of it. I don't discriminate, and I really should because not all carbs are created equal. But now I can eat a bagel and not feel guilty!

Sometimes it's the small things in life that get you excited and feeling good. And seeing as how I could barely make it over to my bag to get my computer power cord, I'll take what I can get. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 60

Day 35 - Setbacks and Thin Mints

So I'm sitting here right now watching the closing ceremonies of the Olympics, drinking some tea, and debating whether or not I should have another Thin Mint. My vote is yes, as I continue to wallow in my own pity party. Why? Because I'm mad at myself. It was only a week ago that I set new goals for month 2 - to workout 4-5 times per week and to keep a food log. And now I'm writing this, having done neither of those things this week. And I've been eating terribly all weekend. Ugh....

The week started out so well too. Lift and Sculpt on Monday, Spinning on Tuesday, and Lift and Sculpt again on Wednesday. Then I planned to take Thursday off because I was getting my hair done, and that can take a while, so I didn't feel bad when I missed Thursday. Then Friday I was going to go to Lift and Sculpt, come home, make cupcakes for my friend's birthday, and have a great time at his party. And all of those things happened - except for Lift and Sculpt. I got out of work late, and it set my whole schedule off. Then add on the terrible late night eating on Friday and the ordering of lunch on Saturday afternoon, and I was feeling sick, bloated, and just plain gross.

And you'd think that would have been enough to get me off my ass and on the treadmill right? Nope. Couldn't even get myself to do that. So now I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself. And the rational side of me can see how pathetic and useless that is - I get nothing from doing this. Yet I can't seem to help it. Everyone has those days when they feel bad about themselves for whatever reason, and mine just happens to come after a disappointing workout week.

But I think it's time to put away the Thin Mints, finish my tea, and leave my pity party. I was the only one there after all. Oh well. Back on the workout wagon tomorrow with a little Lift and Sculpt. Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 170

Day 31 - Sore Here, There, and Everywhere

I went to spinning yesterday thinking it would help work out some of the soreness I felt after Lift and Sculpt on Monday. If it did then I'm grateful, but today I woke up with an inability to get out of bed. And for once it wasn't because I was tired (well not completely anyway) - it was because I couldn't move! Seriously. I tried to sit up - abs and lower back hurt. Stepped out of bed - quads, hamstrings, and calves hurt. Brushed my hair before my shower - biceps, triceps, shoulders, and chest hurt. And don't even get me started on trying to shampoo my hair. Even getting in and out of my coat hurt. And I had another Lift and Sculpt today.

I was going to go to 30/60/90 because it would keep me on schedule for weight lifting Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and cardio Tuesday, Thursday, and (maybe) a weekend day. Actually it would have been both strength and cardio. But after speaking to the Lift and Sculpt instructor yesterday - she teaches spinning right before the class I went to - she said that I should really come today because she takes into account what we worked in class on Monday and works some different areas on Wednesday. Plus I really like the instructor, and the great group feel of the class, so I decided to go.

I definitely noticed something today. I have muscles! I really do. They're just residing under a layer of fat currently. But I'm hoping that they start to make more of an appearance soon - hence the sliced apples and tea I'm drinking. I read online, so it may be completely false, that drinking tea after each meal will help to boost your metabolism and therefore burn more fat. Now I'm not sure if that's true or not, but what harm could come from drinking tea? I mean really. Tea is one of those foods/drinks that you always hear is great for you, like edamame and pomegranate. So I'm trying that to go along with the working out.

I'm still attempting to food log. I always get through lunch, but dinner comes and it's really hard to log the meal you've made. Breakfast = a bowl of Cheerios and 1/2 cup of skim milk. Lunch = Lean Cuisne, applesauce, and a jello pudding cup. But dinner? I made homemade meatballs on Monday night, and I tried to figure out how many calories were in each one based on the nutritional info for the ground beef, parmesan cheese, egg, bread crumbs, and garlic powder. I got so frustrated that I gave up. I'm not proud of that fact, but I was really hungry and blame my lack of patience on low blood sugar.

But I'm still trying. Not everything is going to take on the first try. I mean, it took my 20+ years to actually stick to a workout plan for more than a couple of weeks. Little by little it will stick.

Tomorrow I'm taking the day off - which is probably for the best since I'll probably be bed ridden with sore muscles. But then it's more Lift and Sculpt on Friday. Til then!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 170

Day 30 - The Music Makes the Workout

Everyone knows the saying "The clothes make the man" - or woman as the case may be. (I'm not sure I believe that, but that's getting off track). I believe that as much as the clothes makes the man, the music can make or break a workout. Music has the ability to inspire emotion and make us feel, whether it's heartache, joy, love, or happiness. Music is an incredibly powerful tool, there's no doubt about that. And that's why it's so important, in my opinion, to have good music - however you define that - when you are working out. And that's the great thing about listening to music - it's all personal preference. And when you have your iPod at the gym, or you're rocking out in your car, it doesn't matter what it is because you like it. Listen to what you like!

Except when you're leading a class to a group of spinners. I'm sorry. I'm all about personal preference in music and embracing all kinds. Anyone who has seen my iPod knows this. I can dance around to Beyonce and Lady GaGa, then rock out to Green Day and Queen, and then relax and sing along to the Beatles and Beach Boys. But when you are responsible for leading a 50-minute spinning class where you are going to be pushing people to their limits, you need something that is universally acceptable for working out.

I know it's up to the instructor's personal taste but come on! Today's spin instructor (for the second week in a row) has subjected us to techno-laced indie rock. And not GOOD techno or GOOD indie rock, but super obscure jammy stuff. And while there is a time and place for enjoying that music, spinning is not one of them. I found it nearly impossible to psych myself up for it. And when the instructors laptop died and the music ended for the last 15 minutes of class, I was happy! And you know it's bad when you'd rather have no music when working out than what was just playing.

And I'm sure that's what the instructor likes. If I was teaching the class and had classic rock mixed with pop I bet he wouldn't like that. But I don't think it's a coincidence that last week there were 12 people in the class, and this week only 4. I hate feeling judgmental because I'm all about "to each their own" but I draw the line at terrible music during spin. Oh well...til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 110

Day 29 - Feel the Burn

Today I decided to try something new. After all, it is the beginning of month 2 so it's time to step it up! I normally look forward to yoga every Monday and it was really hard for me to skip it and try something else to start off the week. So why did I skip it if I enjoy it so much? I realized that if I really want to see some actual changes in my body, I have to start adding in strength training. Actual lifting of weights as opposed to sun salutations. There was a Lift and Sculpt class offered today, and it was not what I expected at all - in a great way.

One of the reasons I wanted to take this hour-long class was because I wanted to strength train and really had no idea what I was supposed to do. I mean how intimidating is it to look at all of the lifting machines at the gym, surrounded by all of the sweaty, grunting people who know what they're doing? Then to actually attempt to use the machines? No way. And free weights? I know biceps curls, but after that I'm lost. And this class offered me the opportunity to lift with the guidance of an instructor.

The class was great. Really hard, but great. And I'm sure I'm going to be all types of sore tomorrow for spinning. But that's not what made the biggest impact on me today. Today, for the first time, I really understood the gym dynamic and why people go to the gym. Sure, people go to get in shape. But they also go for the camaraderie - or at least the people who go to classes do. This is something I've been noticing for awhile, but really experienced today. The men and women in this class were motivating each other to keep going. They were sharing weights when someone needed an 8 pound free weight. But most notably, they were sharing in each other's lives. They noticed when someone wasn't in class and asked why (vacation). They noticed I was new and started a conversation with me. They even walked me around the room and make sure I had everything I needed!

And like I said, this kind of friendship is not only limited to this class. I noticed it in yoga, 30/60/90, and even spinning. But today was the first time I was included. People recognized me from spin, knew they had never seen me before in this class, and helped me. Asked me about my job, how long I've been going to the gym, etc. I never thought when I started this that making new friends would be one of the perks. Turns out I was wrong. Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 60

Day 28 - Month 1 Recap

So it's been a month - well 28 days to be precise - of working out. I really can't believe it's been a month, and to be honest, I can't believe I've stuck with it this whole time. Some people might say that a month isn't a very long, and I guess in the grand scheme of things they'd be right. But if you think about it, a month is a pretty long time to do something that you really had no desire to start.

Not that I didn't want to get healthy. I wouldn't have started this blog if I didn't. But in the beginning I really didn't want to go to the gym or put in the effort. And if you had told me that in my first month of working out I would not only go to the gym 3-4 times a week, but that those workouts would be hour long spinning or circuit training classes I would have told you that you were crazy. Maybe a few days of walking on the treadmill for 20-30 minutes to start off, but not spinning! So I must say I'm pretty happy and proud about that.

And I am starting to see some results for sure - the biggest one just being more self confident. I can't really explain it, but I find myself walking around with my head held higher, and with more purpose and confidence, just knowing that I'm working out and getting healthier. And I haven't really seen a lot of physical changes yet, so I know it's not that. It's the emotional changes that people can't see, but I know are there. The ability to push myself and succeed. The ability to talk myself out of my Debbie-downer moods when I don't want to go to the gym. But more importantly, the ability to set a goal and stick to it.

So what are my goals for month 2? Well I still have my goal pants (I tried them on again and I'm definitely a few months until they are wearable). And I would like to try and work out a consistent 4 days per week and work my way up to 5. No more 3 workout weeks. I've proven to myself that I can do it, so now I'm going to push myself more. And I would like to start keeping a food log consistently. Because while it's great to work out, that's only part of it. I can workout until I can't move anymore, but if I'm eating too much or eating the wrong foods it's going to hurt my progress. And I'm definitely not kicking my own butt at spinning to have my food slow me down. I'm not going on a crazy no food diet or anything - I'm part Italian and LOVE to eat. But food should help make you healthier, not make it more difficult.

So that's where I stand after 1 month. I've made a lot of progress. And maybe I underestimated myself, but I'd like to look at it as exceeding my own expectations. If I had assumed that I would be working out 5 days a week to start, I would have failed and been down on myself. But you can't do that. You can't set unrealistic goals anymore than you can beat yourself up over it when you don't reach them. It doesn't gain you anything. Set realistic goals, and hold yourself accountable to them, but cut yourself some slack every once and awhile when needed.

And that's why my plan for month 2 is to workout 4-5 days per week, keep a consistent food log, and get my food to work for me not against me. I think I can do it, and I'm excited to push myself and test myself. To be honest, it feels great starting month 2 knowing that month 1 is behind me. I've already put myself out there, now I just have to push a little more. Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 150

Day 25 - Breakthrough

It happened today. For the first time since taking spin - actually the first time since I started working out almost a month ago - I felt really great during and after a workout. Normally I go in and after 10-15 minutes I'm beat and feel exhausted for the rest of the night. And that happens regardless of workout. But today I was pedaling along, keeping up with everything the instructor was telling us to do, and really felt great! Sure I was breathing hard and sweating, but it was a good feeling. Like I was really making my body stronger as opposed to just wearing it out.

I'm not sure if this is makes sense - it's a feeling that's hard to describe. It's kind of like taking a language in school. It was frustrating and hard to do at first, but all of sudden you realize that not only are you speaking it fairly well, you are starting to think in that language too. It's still challenging because you're always learning new words and phrases, but it went from being frustrating to rewarding, and kind of fun.

That's what today's spinning class was like. Instead of leaving there feeling like I just wanted to pass out in bed, I actually felt like I could have done something else! And after I got out of the shower, instead of dreading having to make dinner because I was tired, I actually had the energy to do it. This may sound like a small thing to get excited about, but believe me - it's not. Similar to the breakthrough I had on Day 3 when I was able to push through the bad thoughts and finish the workout, this is the first time I can officially say that while the workout was difficult, it didn't own me. I'm not quite sure I'm at a place where I can say that I owned it, but at least I'm on the path where I can see that happening someday. And to me, I'll take that accomplishment over losing a few pounds any day. Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 150

Day 23 - Death by Dessert

I went to spinning today, and I'm really starting to wonder if it will ever get easier. I always leave that class thinking I could not possibly sweat anymore, but inevitably after the next spinning class I do. Both gross and good I think.

I could tell it was going to be one of those days when my body just didn't want to listen to me. I had only been pedaling for about 5 minutes and my quads were burning, and I was panting. And it was the warm up! The worst part was I actually asked myself if there was anyway I could leave without causing a scene. Fake an injury? Just leave and never come back? But then I remembered that 1) this is the only cardio class I want to do on Tuesdays and 2) Erin is here so I can't leave. Not that she would have given me a hard time or anything, but knowing she was there made me want to stay and see it through.

The class I went to had a different instructor than before, and he was tough. Lots of intervals. Quick bursts of jumps, moving through all 3 positions, etc. He was great at giving direction and motivation - which I clearly needed today. But his music choice was just so-so. It was kind of indie rockish. Nothing bad or grating, just not enough to pump me up. (Of course there was an inner war going on between my body and mind, so I'm not sure I heard a lot of it anyway). Overall a good class that was definitely needed considering the meal I had afterward.

Andy's parents wanted to take us out to dinner, so the four of us went to Zola. It's a really nice restaurant with great food here in State College. I started with the black truffle and gruyere mac and cheese, then moved onto the strip steak with blue cheese, onions, and BACON mashed potatoes. Ridiculously good. And just when I thought I couldn't eat anymore, the dessert menu came out, and as I've said before I have a serious sweet tooth. So I scanned the menu and came across a dessert sent from above - Nutella stuffed croissant with vanilla cinnamon butter and maple syrup. It was one of the best desserts I have ever had. Luckily everyone else had a few bites, so when my plate was clean I didn't feel as bad as I should have.

The funny thing? I feel like I should be really mad at myself for eating a meal like that when I'm trying to get healthy, but I don't! First, how often do I have meals like that (umm....about 4 times a year) and how was I supposed to say no to Nutella stuffed croissant?? You just can't, it's as simple as that. So I'll just have to push myself/worry about it tomorrow, because right now I'm about to pass out from sugar overload. Til tomorrow!

Minutes spent working out this week: 100

Day 22 - Back on the Wagon & "Goal Pants"

It's been a few days since I blogged, and therefore a few days since I worked out. It's funny that the week I was determined to work out five days I only worked out 3. Snowpacolypse had a role to play in that, but really it was my laziness - let's be honest. I went out Friday night after dinner with Andy and had a great time, then met up with my friends Annie and Whitney for lunch on Saturday, played some poker on Saturday night, and relaxed on Sunday for V-day. Could I have worked out during that time? Sure. But I didn't. And that's okay. It's a new week - the start of week 4 I might add! - and I'm looking forward to it. And what better way to start off the week than with some yoga.

Or so I thought anyway. It started snowing here around 2pm and the roads got pretty bad. Plus my car is straight up terrible in the snow, so I decided to come home and do my Rodney Yee Power Yoga DVD. Only problem was I couldn't find it! All I had was Bryan Kests' Power Yoga which is really cheesy and bad. I tried for about 10 minutes and couldn't take the jean shorts, white spandex, and bad direction anymore. So I decided to go for a 50 minute walk/jog on the treadmill which was actually more difficult than last week since I decided to up the speed (go figure!). I wish I had been able to go to yoga, or had my better yoga DVD, but it was not meant to be. I really can't wait for spring when I won't have to change my workout plans because of the snow.

So I've added a new goal to my get healthy plan - a more tangible goal. While out with Annie and Whitney on Saturday we made a stop by Ann Taylor Loft, and as I was perusing the sale rack I came across a pair of really cute gray skinny jeans for $4.98. That's not a typo, seriously they were $5. Now, in my current state of shapeness (that's a word, right?) I am in no place to wear skinny jeans. In fact if I saw myself wearing skinny jeans out and about, I would probably be thinking that girl should not be wearing those! Snarky and bitchy, yes, but true nonetheless. Add on that they were a size too small, and I was in trouble.

But I thought to myself I've been working out, maybe they'll look great on me! So I tried them on and they most definitely didn't fit. I looked like one of those moms trying to dress young on What Not to Wear - not good and not pretty. I was about to get discouraged when I realized something - they are only $5. Why not buy them and make them my "goal pants"? Something that I will strive to fit into comfortably eventually. And if I can fit in them and still don't like them, then oh well. But at least I'll have something tangible that shows the progress I've made.

So that's what I did. And I now have "goal pants". What's my goal for said pants? Well, I want to be able to wear them by June. Maybe pair them with some cute flats? And if I'm feel really adventurous maybe even a sleeves shirt or halter top to show off the kick ass arms and back I'm going to have by then! I'm picturing it already, and I'm psyched! Now all I have to do is work toward getting into them. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 50 minutes

Day 18 - Spin (aka a bike with training wheels)

That's what our instructor, ride leader...whatever you call the person running the class kept calling it. When we were slowing down she'd say, "Are you really going to let a bike with training wheels beat you?? It's just a bike people!". Let me tell you - it may have just been a bike, but it's a bike that kicked my ass. In fact, this is the first time that I think I may have gone too hard.

I was pedaling right along when we started a 10 minute "run", or standing up while pedaling. I was really proud of myself that I could keep up, and then when "Lose Yourself" by Eminem came on, it definitely pumped me up. I was pushing myself, sweating like crazy, and then we slowed down to take a pulse check. Mine was high. Really high. In 10 seconds my heart beat 35 times. Multiple that by 6, and it's not good. I really paced myself after that, but what scares me is that I didn't feel like I was going that hard. I didn't feel like I was going to pass out like I did in 30/60/90 last week, and it definitely didn't feel like my heart was beating over 200 which is really scary. I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest. I'm glad that I was able to push myself, but was it worth it if it's bad for me? I would feel okay if I knew I was going too hard but kept going anyway, but I didn't know and couldn't tell.

Don't get me wrong, I was panting and sweating like crazy. But shouldn't I have felt something more than that if my heart rate was that high? Now I don't know what to do because my motto before was push myself, but listen to my body when it got to be too much. And now I'm not sure if my body is going to tell me if it's too much or not. Do I go easier and hope I'm still pushing myself? That seems like the safer and more obvious choice, as opposed to pushing myself and getting my heart rate up that high again.

Maybe it's finally time to invest in a heart rate monitor. If I can't be sure what I'm feeling is accurate I should have something there to tell me what's really going on with my heart, right? And maybe I'm looking at this wrong. Maybe instead of being scared and a little annoyed, I should take this as a good thing. I was actually working out hard enough for my heart to really get going - granted going too hard, but you get the idea.

On the to-do list for tomorrow? Do some research into heart rate monitors, and skip spinning. I'll have to check out the gym schedule and see what else they have on a Friday...til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 175

Day 17 - "Snowpocalypse!!!"

I was planning on writing yesterday about spinning, but somehow managed to fall asleep at 9:30pm and didn't write! But it turns out that it's pretty appropriate to lump together yesterday's and today's entries since they were both affect by the "Snowpocalypse". Let me start off by saying where I am, in central PA, the storm was basically a total bust. We got maybe 8 inches over the course of 30 hours. Pretty tame actually. But that still didn't stop the storm from really messing up my workout plans!

Yesterday I decided I was going to beat the storm, leave work early, and go to the 4:30pm spinning class. That way I'd be done by 5:30 and home before the roads got too bad. Well it turns out that everyone else had the same ideas as me, because once I got to the spinning room (around 4:15) every bike was full! I never thought that would happen. And there I was, all dressed and ready to workout, and nothing to do. Even the 4:30 kickboxing class was cancelled, so I was out of luck and a little frustrated. I was driving home, and realized the day could go one of two ways - I could get home and jump on the treadmill, or I could get home and watch some reruns of NCIS. And I'll be honest, I was really torn if not leaning toward NCIS. Honestly the thing that got me on the treadmill was that I was already in my workout clothes, and I would have the change either way so I might as well workout first.

And you know what? Not only did I get on the treadmill, but I actually went for 50 minutes! I told myself that if I was at spinning it would go for that long, so if I was going to workout at home I was going to do it right. It wasn't nearly as intense as spinning, but at least it was for the same amount of time.

Now if only that motivation had carried through to today. Unfortunately my lazy side reared its ugly head and I didn't work out. I was all set to go 5 days this week, but if I'm being completely honest I should have worked out today, but after having done a couple of weeks of actual classes, I'm not sure I'm at a place yet where I'll push myself as hard as those classes can. That's not a reason to not workout, I mean I was able to get on the treadmill yesterday. But it makes sense to me. Or maybe that's just me trying to rationalize not working out today. Either way, it's done and I didn't workout. So I'm going to let it be and look forward to spinning tomorrow because 1) I know I'm going to workout tomorrow and 2) I know that sometime soon I will be going 5 days a week. If I thought this was the beginning of me stopping again, then I would be concerned. But I know that it's not, it's just accepting that things happens whether it be laziness or Snowpocalypse. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Number of minutes spent working out this week: 125

Day 15 - Yoga and a Headache

I knew this day would come - the day when I had to decide between my headache and my workout. I get headaches and migraines pretty regularly, probably 2-3 times a month. I wish I knew what caused them (so I could avoid it) or had a consistent remedy. Sometimes it's from low blood sugar, and an Excedrin Migraine will make it better. Other times it just happens, and the only thing that helps is going to bed. So when I started getting one around 2pm today, I took an Excedrin, drank some water, and decided that I was going to go to yoga anyway in hopes that it would help.

Unfortunately it didn't, which is why this blog post will be a little shorter. It definitely helped while I was actually doing yoga, but once we started the end of class meditation, I realized that it was still there and RAGING. Add on to that some nausea and light sensitivity, and it was a challenge trying to get home and whip up some tacos. I thought food would help, but it didn't. Even an extra long hot shower didn't help. So that leaves me with sleep, which I'm about attempt.

Anyone who has ever had a migraine or just a nasty headache will probably agree with me when I say that trying to sleep with a headache is hard. Really hard. For me, I lay there in the dark and all I can feel is how my head is pounding and how nauseous I am. And that keeps me up, which just makes me frustrated and therefore makes my headache worse. I'm trying to distract myself right now with this blog, which helps a little, but inevitably when I turn this off it'll still hurt.

Sorry - kind of went off track there. Yoga was a great workout today, and Erin was there which always makes it more fun. I really can't think of a better way to start off the week than with yoga. It's a Monday, which already makes me want to just go home, but then I realize that I have yoga tonight which I actually enjoy and look forward to. So I go. And once I've started the week working out, it's hard to talk myself out of going another day later on. And I'm glad I did start off my week today, because my goal this week is to go 5 days - Monday through Friday. Can I do it? I'm not sure, but I'm going to take it one day at a time. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Number of minutes spent working out this week: 75

Day 11 - Spinning = OMFG

Today was my first spinning class in 8 or 9 months, and let me tell you - OMFG. Not kidding. It's almost as difficult at 30/60/90, but different. Where 30/60/90 is more strength training than cardio, but has both, spinning is definitely more cardio. And by more cardio I mean physical ridiculousness. I see the appeal though, especially if the instructor and music are good which both were today.

My mom was coming into town tonight around 6:30pm because we're going to NYC for the weekend to visit my sister and go to the opera (so excited!!), so I decided to go to an earlier class so I could get back in time. I went on the website, and there were 2 options for a 4:30pm class - Step and Pump (which I just didn't want to attempt) or Spinning. Definitely one of those "lesser of two evils" kind of choices. So I decided on Spinning, and it was a lot of fun!

I think I was able to mentally talk myself into since it's only 50 minutes, and I've already done a 75 and a 60 minute workout, so what's 50 minutes?? Well 50 minutes of pedaling while increasing the resistance is not easy. And seriously, what is up with "running"while spinning? Just when I thought I had the pedaling with lots of resistance thing down while sitting, now I have to stand-up and do it? And don't get me started on "jumping"! Sit and pedal for 3 spins, then stand-up and pedal for 3 spins, and continue that for a whole song. I've never wanted "Disturbia" by Rihanna to end faster in my life.

But I didn't quit. I may not have had the resistance up as high as everyone else, but I didn't have to stop and rest at all, and it felt great. Maybe I'm starting to build up some endurance? It's only been 11 days, but that's possible right? Or maybe it's more of a mental endurance? Either way it feels good. Til tomorrow! Or maybe Saturday. But either way it'll be a blog from NYC!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week - 185

Day 10 - You Get Out What You Put In

Yesterday was my second experience with 30/60/90, and it was - once again - extremely tough. I really thought I was doing well until we got to the first cardio interval that consisted of jumping in the air and spinning 180 degrees, and then jumping back. I really think I misjudged my physical abilities because once we had to start the next group of moves, I thought I was going to pass out. No seriously. Small black dots in my vision and muffled sounds. Not good.

So I proceeded to march in place and try to get my heart rate down, because I learned from last week that stopping dead after having my heart rate up that high is not a good idea - it actually made me feel worse to stop moving. So I'm marching along while everyone else is lunging and squatting, and I'm starting to get frustrated because my heart rate just won't go down. It's not that my legs couldn't handle the squats, but every time I tried to start I felt light headed again. And that's when the instructor said something so simple, yet was exactly what I needed to hear - "You get out what you put in".

You might be thinking that I would get even more frustrated hearing that because I wasn't "putting in much" at the time since I was just marching. And normally you'd be right. But much to my surprise it didn't this time, it just really got me thinking. How many times in the past have I gone to the gym and convinced myself that just doing something there was okay, even if it didn't really get my heart rate up. But the fact that I was trying counted. And don't get me wrong - you have to start somewhere. And in the beginning getting there and just doing something is the best thing you can do. But if I really want to see results and really want to change my lifestyle to get healthy, then I have to put in the effort. I'll get out what I put in.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I try to live my life like that in other areas already. I treat others the way I would want to be treated, so (hopefully) they'll treat me the same way. I work hard at my job so that I can be proud of what I've done at the end of the day. And even though I was only marching for a time in 30/60/90, I was putting in all the effort I could muster up. And hopefully in the not too distant future, I will see the results of that hard work. Til tomorrow! (Well, actually later today since I'm posting this on Thursday morning!)

~Catie

Number of minutes spent working out this week: 135

Day 9 - Change in Plans

So all day today I was looking forward to ballroom dance lessons with my husband. We had taken the class two weeks ago, but missed last week when Andy had to work, and really enjoyed it. We made a tasty dinner of crab cakes, asparagus, and potatoes and were all ready to go when it hit us - we really didn't feel like going. Neither one of us, for some reason, felt like it even though we were both looking forward to it today. The idea of staying in, putting on pajamas, and watching Battlestar Galatica was exactly what I wanted to do. (And don't judge - I can talk sports just as much as I can geek out).

So that leaves me with no workout today. I feel a little bad about it, but in reality tonight was more of a date night than a workout, and instead of going out we decided to stay in. Which I'm doubly happy about now that I look outside and it's snowing! So that's why this post is going to be a short one - not much to write about since I didn't workout. But tomorrow is 30/60/90 and I've already started the mental preparations for that ass kicking! Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Number of minutes spent working out this week: 75

Day 8 - Double Pigeon Pose or Bust

Anyone out there who has taken yoga before will have heard some of the crazy names for yoga postures. And not the actual Sanskrit names, but the rather interesting descriptive English names for them such as "Reverse Triangle", "Downward Facing Dog", and "Reclining Big Toe". (Okay, so the last one I've never done but I did read about it on Wikipedia). They may sound silly, and sometimes when you look at pictures it looks a little silly. But believe me, when those poses are done in a constant flow of movement it's really intense. (My teacher would be so proud that I just said constant flow of movement).

In all seriousness, I know a lot of people don't consider yoga to be an aerobic activity. And while a lot of people say it's good at building strength and increasing flexibility, which it is, it is also a great workout. For the second week in a row I was sweating and breathing heavy, but I felt really rejuvenated at the end of the workout. Is it because the teacher is telling us to "be true to our bodies" and "listen to our breath"? I actually think so.

I'm not a religious person - I haven't been to church in 20 years. But I do consider myself a spiritual person, and it's something that I consider a very important and personal part of my life. So maybe that's why I connect with yoga. When the teacher started our ending meditation in double pigeon pose (a new pose I learned where you sit, cross your right leg over your left, lean over, and stretch, then repeat with left leg over right) it hurt, but at the same time was completely calming. Like all the stress I had earlier that day - not being able to find my keys, 3 hours worth of meetings, etc - didn't matter. More than that, like it didn't even happen.

And no, I'm not just drinking the kool-aid. And I'm not going to go out and devote my life to yoga and leave civilization behind. But it is a nice feeling when you can put your body through a tough workout, and your mind feels just as strong after. Call me crazy, but I feel more complete after yoga.

But the question remains, will I feel this complete after (SPOILER ALERT!) ballroom dance tomorrow?? Dun Dun DUN! Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 75

Day 7 - Week One Recap

So my first official week of being back to working out is over, and I have to say it's been a pretty interesting week. To be honest, I'm not sure I would have done it if it wasn't for this blog, and everyone out there reading and responding to it. Like I said last week in the "Why I'm doing this" post, I wanted this blog to hold me accountable and it really has. I look at going to the gym as not only something to make me healthier, but every day I think I better go or else I won't have anything to blog about later! And here are a couple of things I've learned this week - not only about getting back into working out, but also about myself.

Number 1: Make sure to pack up your gym bag the night before. It's really a huge pain to have to run around in the morning to find your sneakers or yoga pants. And I'm not sure how many times my boss will be okay with the "I was late because I couldn't find my workout clothes" excuse.

Number 2: You can't be so hard on yourself. Not only did I get on my own case for not being able to make it through a workout without modifying the exercises (which is crazy seeing as how I haven't worked out since I got married 15 months ago), but I also felt guilty about not working out the last few days. Both times the emotion was pointless, and did nothing but make me feel bad, and what's the point of that? There are plenty of things out there that I can't control that can make me feel bad, why would I want to contribute to it?

Number 3: Stretching is key. I really wish I had stretched post 30/60/90 on Day 3. I think today was the first day I could go up and down the stairs without pain, and I really don't want to get lapped anymore on my way up and down the steps by my cat.

And Number 4: Life is too short to not do what you love. And I know everyone has heard that before and probably at some level accepts that to be true, myself being one of those people. But I really started thinking about that more and more this week. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to go hiking with my friends without the embarrassment of having to stop every 5 minutes. I don't want to dread putting on a bathing suit! But at the same time, I love eating - especially sweets. I love sitting around and watching TV. And I love having a few drinks with my friends. So I've determined that I can, and I will, have all of it. Because life's too short not to. And if that means going to the gym Monday - Friday so I can take Saturday and Sunday off to go out with friends, have some drinks, then lay around watching TV then so be it. But you do have to make some sacrifices, it's just a matter of what you want in the end.

Power Yoga Monday kicks off Week Two. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Total number of minutes spent working out this week: 255

Day 6 - Regrets and Guilt

It's funny - this has only been my first week of working out, and I already feel guilty for not going yesterday or today. Maybe guilty is not the right word, but I just feel weird about not going. Is it possible to already form a habit after 4 days? And if it is, is it possible to lose that habit in as many days?

Yesterday was strange. I got up, and didn't need to pack my gym bag. I was leaving work, and went a different way home because I wasn't going to the gym. A week ago it would have felt weird to do those things, and now it feels strange to not. And then I went out with friends last night, and this morning I am feeling serious guilt for 1) not working out 2) drinking a few too many glasses of wine last night, and 3) being hungover enough today to not want to get off my couch.

On a side note, when did I become old? I used to be able to go out and stay out until 2 am and not feel a thing the next day. Now I go out, come home early, and can't get rid of my headache all day. I guess it was around the same time that I realized I can't eat pizza or cheese fries at 2am and not gain weight from it. I miss those days...

Back to the point. A friend of mine retweeted this quote the other day on Twitter, and it got me thinking - Never regret anything because at one time it was what you wanted. And I agree with this. But what if the things I once wanted are bad for me, like eating pizza at 2am or drinking too much? Should I still not regret them because at one point I did enjoy doing them? And what if that regret makes me change something about my life for the positive? Should I regret my regret, even if it makes my life better?

I guess there's no answer to that, because no one can decide how you feel except you. And in this case, I'm following this philosophy - sometimes the reason behind why we do something good doesn't matter. It's just that we did it. Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Total number of minutes spent working out this week: 255

Day 4 - The Art of Zumba, Part 2

So today was my second attempt at Zumba, and as much as I really wanted to like it, I just didn't. I had pretty high hopes for it too. And the funny thing is, my issue with this class was the opposite of my last one, and I still didn't like it.

Last class (Day 2) I thought the instructor was really fun, and there was a great vibe to the class, but she didn't give enough instruction and I got frustrated. This class the instructor was better at giving cues and direction, but she just seemed cold. She clearly had more skill at teaching Zumba than my Tuesday instructor, but she just seemed indifferent. Like she had to be there, put in her hour, and be done. Not a smile, not a "keep it up ladies!", nothing. And I'm sorry, but if I'm giving you an hour of my time - especially an hour where I could be at home being lazy - you better damn well make me at least enjoy my time.

I still got a decent workout, but I just didn't have the same energy as I did on Tuesday. Even with my frustration I was still jumping around and trying hard because the instructor acted like she was having a great time and didn't want to be anywhere else but Zumba. I apologize if I'm ranting, but seriously! It's hard enough to go straight from working all day to then go spend an hour working out. There are enough reasons for me to go straight home. But I got myself there, ready to have a good time dancing around, and instead I ended up being annoyed at the end of the class. If the instructor can't bother to put in the effort, why should I? I realized that was a bad attitude about halfway through, but for some reason I just shake it.

I think the reason I'm so upset about Zumba is because I was really excited about it. I love to dance (just ask anyone who has seen me at a bar after a few beers), and the idea of getting to spend an hour dancing to fun music as my workout seemed perfect! And I do think that I would enjoy Zumba, maybe in a bigger city or with instructors who were better trained, but for the time being I will be sitting out Zumba and trying to find another cardio class.

That's life I guess, right? Sometimes the things you look most forward to are not all you hope they could be, and the things you dread (like 30/60/90) are actually the things that pleasantly surprise you. Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Total number of minutes spent working out this week: 255

Day 3 - Mind over Body vs. Body over Mind

You know the saying - "mind over matter" and "mind over body". A lot times I believe that to be true. Except today.

They hit today right around 4:00pm. What hit? My reasons and excuses for not working out. It was as if my mind had saved up all of my usual reasons, and threw them at me all at once. You've gone really hard the last couple of days, wouldn't it be nice to go home and read? And you're still pretty sore from Monday, you wouldn't want to hurt yourself. Etc, etc, etc. And I almost listened, I really did. But that's when I had to use my body over my mind. I literally had to ignore that little voice in my head and get myself to the gym. And once I there...I kicked its ass.

Today was by far the hardest workout I have ever done. EVER. And I'm dating myself all the way back to when I played field hockey in high school, and we had to run hill sprints after we left our bucket of practice balls at an opposing high school's field. Not pretty. And neither was 30/60/90.

30/60/90 is high-intensity circuit training in a way. It essentially consists of doing a movement, like squats, for 30 seconds. Then you pulse the movement for 60 seconds, and then you hold it for 90 seconds. Once you've done that you do 90 seconds of cardio, and then onto the next movement.

I literally wanted to cry, and I wanted to quit more times than I could count. I was holding my squat, looking at the door, and thinking I could just leave and never come back. I don't know anyone here. No one would notice. And to be honest at that moment I'm not sure why I didn't. My muscles were twitching, my heart was racing, and I really couldn't do anymore. My mind AND body were telling me to quit. But then I thought about something. How many times have I quit something in my life because it was too hard? Unfortunately, more times than I would like. Pretty much any time I've ever started a workout plan I quit because it was too hard or I wasn't not seeing results fast enough.

And at that moment I had to make a choice. I could either continue doing what I always do - quitting once it got hard - or I could tell that little voice to shut up and tell my body to deal. And that's exactly what I did. And you know what? When I finished that workout, the sense of accomplishment I felt was so overwhelming that I almost wanted to cry for a whole different reason. I realized right then that even though it's only Day 3, I had a pretty big breakthrough.

Sometimes it's mind over body, and sometimes it's body over mind. But in order to really make a change in your life, it's just you over your past. Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Total number of minutes spent working out this week: 195

Day 2 - The Art of Zumba

Zumba Zumba Zumba. Where do I begin...

My first experience with Zumba was good, but not great. It reminded me of when I went to see Avatar (stick with me - this will make sense!). When I saw Avatar in 3D here in State College, the glasses had really dark green lens. I still got to see everything in 3D, but everything was so dark because of the glasses that some of the vibrant colors were lost.

Same thing with Zumba. I still got a good workout, don't get me wrong. But the instructor seemed a little lost, and I think she was still new to teaching it, which made it not quite as fun. For anyone who has never taken Zumba, the best way I can describe it is a Latin-influenced aerobic dance class. There was great music, and a great energy with all of the women in the class, but I kept getting lost which made me frustrated!

I'm not the most coordinated person out there, so when I take an aerobics class I need direction. I need the instructor to say "Last one! Now grapevine!" - something like that. But I would be doing a step, look up, and realize the instructor was doing something completely different without telling us! Agh!

Luckily there is another Zumba class on Thursday, with a different instructor, so hopefully that will turn out better. But at least it was a good workout that really got my heart rate up. And it was pretty funny when the instructor would start speaking Spanglish - "Now shake it a la derecha!"

So overall I had a good time, got a good workout, but something just felt off. Oh well! I tried something new, right? And that's enough of an accomplishment for me. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Total number of minutes spent working out this week: 135

Day 1 - Power Yoga and Candy Bars

I was sitting on the couch watching some TV, and decided I wanted some ice cream (more details on that tasty treat later) and realized something when I stood up. I'm sore! And excited about it! Granted, I may not be quite as excited tomorrow when I can't get out of bed, but for now it feels good. Really good.

I went to Power Vinyasa Flow taught by Jill at East Coast Fitness here in State College, with my friend Erin. She has taken the class a bunch of times before, and swore by it and the instructor. I was excited, but nervous. Here's the description I read earlier today, because I had no idea what I was getting into:

"Inspired by my teacher Baron Baptiste - Vinyasa means to move with breath... this 75 minute class is a flowing practice of sun salutations with strengthening powerful standing poses, integrating a balance series, breath & is an invitation to drop within yourself, allowing yourself to surrender into any challenge on the mat as you would a challenging moment in your day to day life. Vinyasa flow is a smooth, non-stop practice that truly invites you to practice life on your mat & take all you are on the mat into your day-to-day life on this earth... There is nothing like this flow!!"

Umm...what? Okay, so I'm not completely new to yoga. I took it in college and some classes post-college, but 75 minutes? And do I want to "drop within myself"? But I must say - I really loved it! It also didn't hurt that I had a great friend there motivating me, and giving me tips. If I can get to be half as flexible as Erin I will be happy!

Is it as challenging as a one-hour spinning class? I'm not sure - I think it's just different. Was I having trouble catching my breath? Not really. Was a sweating like a pitcher of ice water on a hot day? You better believe it. Were my muscles shaking? Still are actually. And right now, just walking from the living room to the kitchen (which is about 20 feet by the way), is making my thighs burn. And reaching into the freezer for my treat...oh yeah, by arms are definitely sore from all the down-ward facing dogs*.

*Side note - if you have taken yoga feel free to correct me - but there is no way that down-ward facing dog is a relaxing and rejuvenating pose! Come on now!

Now onto my tasty treat - my ice cream candy bar. I'm a big fan of sweets, and ice cream is no exception. Sometimes I wish I was lactose intolerant so I could have a good reason to not eat ice cream and cheese, but I'm not, so I'll just have to find low-cal options, and some self-restraint. And I did in my new favorite ice cream dessert!

It's made by Weight Watchers and it's called "Ice Cream Candy Bar". It has a points value of 3 and only 150 calories, and it's just like a Snickers Ice Cream Bar. I first heard about it on the Hungry Girl website (which is an amazing site if you've never been), and was skeptical. But I'm telling you - it's amazing. Even my husband, who can eat almost anything and still be thin, prefers them to the Snickers brand. Should I have had an apple? Probably. But sometimes I just needs some chocolate, so I might as well have something that doesn't make me feel like I just ruined my healthy eating for the day.

So, it's an end to Day 1 and I'm feeling good. Of course I know it's only Day 1 and I'm inevitably going to have some tough days, but right now I'm just enjoying the feeling of accomplishment. Started a blog? Check. Worked out on Day 1? Check. Felt excited and motivated for the first time in a long time? Check and Check. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

P.S. Thank you to everyone who has commented here, on my Facebook page, or have messaged me on Twitter. It means so much that people are reading and enjoying this! If you are trying to get healthy - tell me! Post your ideas, things you found helpful, anything!

Why I'm doing this...

So here's the deal. I am a 26 year old woman. I'm 5' 6". And I weigh...155 pounds. I know what some of you might be thinking - is she crazy!? Did she just tell the entire internet what she weighs? The answer is yes. Why? Because it's just a number. It does not reflect my IQ, how happy I am, or how good I am at my job. What does it tell me? To be honest, I'm not sure. But I'm ready to find out. Find out why the amount I weigh matters. Shouldn't how you feel matter? Whether or not you can go up a flight of stairs without getting winded matter?

So here is my goal - to get healthy. I don't want to look like a Hollywood starlet. I don't want to lose 50 pounds. I would like to fit into a size smaller (I'm only human!) But more importantly, I want to be healthy. My grandmother had diabetes, my father is pre-diabetic, and I have a serious sweet tooth. Seriously - I love to bake like none other. I even want to open up my own cupcake store, but that's another story...

Let me make something clear before I go on. I am NOT a doctor. I am NOT a dietitian. But I do like to read health magazines (Self is a personal favorite), and that's where I get a lot of ideas. But I'm not saying that what I do, or plan to do, will work for anyone but me. I just wanted to have a place where I could write about the challenges of getting healthy, get some feedback, and maybe even have an open forum where people can share ideas and their stories. But most of all, I wanted something that held me accountable, because if there's one thing I'm good at when it comes to working out, it's talking myself out of it.

So I'm not going to do it. I'm no longer going home after work before going to the gym. Why? Because somehow I manage in the 20 minutes it takes me to get home to talk myself out of doing anything productive. I'm not going to say "oh I had a rough day" or "I'm really tired" because if you try, you can find a reason to never do anything, and I don't want to live like that anymore.

So here is my quest. I am going to try to work out every day and I will write about my experiences as I progress through my first month, and all the months after that. And by saying to you all that I will do it - well I better not slack off. And if I do, I give you all permission to kick my lazy butt back into gear!

So let's do it. Let's get healthy. And not because some magazine says we have to lose weight, or because some guy you like was checking out the skinny chick at the bar, but because YOU want to. We all have our reasons to not work out, to not eat right, to not get healthy. But we also all have one big reason to get healthy - ourselves.

~Catie