Day 56 - Making Excuses for Myself to Myself

So I got it - the sickness. That doesn't really narrow it down since it seems like every other day there's a new bug going around, but mine was a fever, sore throat, and congestion. Ugh. I managed to work out on Monday, but not since then. I literally had NO energy. We're talking sleeping for 12 hours, and then napping during the day for another 3. I was worried about getting sick since that has derailed me in the past. Luckily I'm at the end of month two, so I'm definitely in a routine and have been for a while. But even as it stands right now, I'm worried about working out tomorrow. It's been a week! And even longer than that since I've done lift and sculpt. But I've gone too far now to stop now. Will I be able to walk on Tuesday? Probably not. But I'd rather be sore from getting back on the wagon then be disappointed in myself for not going back.

I'm disappointed in myself already for how poorly month 2 ended. I mean I did get sick, and I understand that. But the week before I didn't do much either. Month 1 ended so well too. Part of me can't even believe that it's already the end of month two - 8 weeks from when I first started working out and first started this blog. I can say that I do notice a difference. Is it a huge difference? No...but I notice it. My endurance is up for sure - I don't completely want to die every spinning class. And I do have more muscles, they're just still hiding under some extra body mass. Okay, let's be honest. They're hiding under fat. There! I said it. I feel better now.

It is funny how much you try to lie to yourself, or convince yourself of something that you know is not true. Like it's not fat that's hiding my muscles, it's body mass. Or I vacuumed today, so that should count as my workout. That's totally a workout. Except it's not. Is it being active? Sure. But it's not the same as spinning or kickboxing or even taking a walk. But how many times have I vacuumed and convinced myself it's a workout? To keep with my honest streak here - almost every Sunday. At least now I call myself out on my lie, but I still don't change it. I didn't try and get to spinning or yoga this afternoon, even though today was the first day I felt up to it. Wouldn't someone dedicated to working out do that? Jump right back in at the first available opportunity? Am I really just paying lip service to this whole Catie Gets Healthy thing?? I don't want to think that I am, but part of me wonders. Am I just doing what I have to do to say I'm trying? Am I pushing myself as hard as I possibly can? Keeping with the honesty again - no I'm not. I'm really not. I'm doing more than I was 2 months ago, but that's like saying 3 is more than zero. Sure it's true, but anything is greater than zero.

So that's where I'm at. It's the end of month 2 and I've finally admitted to myself that while I'm trying to get healthy, I'm not putting in as much effort as I should be. I'm coasting along at 3 days a week of going to the gym, and expecting huge results. Not. Going. To. Happen. And I know that this is going to sound the same as my month 1 recap, but unfortunately it still applies: I'm going to go to the gym at least 5 days a week. Monday through Friday. And if I can't get out of work early for Lift and Sculpt, then I will go the gym and do something else. No more excuses. And if I can't go one day during the week, then I get my lazy butt up on Saturday morning and go to the gym then. But enough is enough. I'm 26 years old and I'm still making excuses for myself, to myself. But not anymore.

~Catie