Day 64 - Workout Block

First, let me apologize for not keeping up with the blog over the past week. Some of it was real life getting in the way, some of it was laziness, and some of it was - for lack of a better term - writer's block. Now you may be wondering how I could have writer's block since I'm writing about my life, but I did. I can't tell you why either because I worked out 3 days last week, but nothing seemed interesting enough to write about. Nothing was new - no new challenges, no new epiphanies. It was just a regular week. And there's nothing wrong with that, it just doesn't make for a very interesting blog! So I tried to deal with my writer's block by figuring out the cause.

I came to the conclusion that hitting a weight-loss plateau is the equivalent of writer's block in the fitness world. I mean, think about it. You literally hit a wall when you can't loose any more weight, just like you hit a wall when writing. And it's always the last 5 or 10 pounds or so, isn't it? When you're so close to reaching your goal but it's still out of reach. I'm not a writer, so I don't know if that's what happens with writer's block, but I can imagine the frustration is the same regardless of when in the process it happens, or what the activity is.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I've hit a plateau or not in my get healthy plan, because I'm not keeping track of my weight. Well...that's not entirely true. I mean, there's a scale in the locker room at the gym, right by the sinks, and it calls my name every time I'm there! And I gave in last week. I stepped on the scale, and at first I did not like what I saw. I was still 155 pounds! Still the same weight as I was 2 months ago! How was that possible?? I've been working out for a least 3 hours every week for the past 9 weeks, and still weighed the same.

But the more I thought about it, the more okay I was with being the same weight. Why? Because like I said when I started this whole thing, it's not about the number, it's about how I feel. It's about reaching my goals, and getting healthier. So I decided to see if I had reached one of my goals - my goals pants. You remember those, right? The one size too small, gray skinny jeans I bought a few weeks back. Well I decided to try them on, and guess what? THEY FIT!! They actually fit, and not in a sausage squeezed too tight into it's casing kind of way, but in a "wow these are actually my size" way!

And in that moment I realized I did not care what the damn scale said. In fact, that scale can kiss my gray, skinny jean clad ass. Because I reached a goal - the first of many. And no piece of electronics is going to make me feel bad about myself, with some random digital number it spits out. That's supposed to define me? I don't think so. Not anymore anyway. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 60

Day 57 - What a Difference a Week Makes

Wow. That's all I have to say. I'm not sure if it was the week off from working out, being sick, not getting enough sleep - probably some combination of the three - but I was struggling today. Really struggling. We were doing squats and lunges, and I was getting light-headed. It was frustrating too because my muscles could take more, but I just couldn't. But I guess that's my body's way of telling me to slow down. Sometimes I just have a problem listening to what my body's telling me.

I have that happen a lot when I'm working out, which is funny because I have NO problem listening when my body tells me I feel sick, or hungry, or I'm tired and need to go to bed. But for some reason when I start working out, it's almost like I'm determined to get everything possible out of the time I'm putting in, so I push myself. That then leads to me getting lightheaded or getting my heart rate up too high, and then I feel crappy. But if I just looked at it rationally - Hey! You're going to hard. Slow down crazy lady! - then I wouldn't have this problem. But hindsight's 20/20 I guess.

It's hard to find a balance between going to hard, and just doing enough to get by, isn't it? I think that's part of my problem. I'm putting in my hour, so I feel like I have to go as hard as possible for that hour because if I don't then I'm not putting in my full effort. But it's not healthy to do that. And I recognize that - when I'm not working out. A lot of my problems stem from my perception of what I'm supposed to be doing, or how hard I'm supposed to be going, instead of just letting it happen. And letting it happen doesn't mean going easy on myself - I came to the realization yesterday that that's not an option. But I have to listen to myself, and maybe push a little bit more when I know I'm just trying to give up, but slow down when I know I'm going to0 hard. Now if I can just recognize when that happens. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 56 - Making Excuses for Myself to Myself

So I got it - the sickness. That doesn't really narrow it down since it seems like every other day there's a new bug going around, but mine was a fever, sore throat, and congestion. Ugh. I managed to work out on Monday, but not since then. I literally had NO energy. We're talking sleeping for 12 hours, and then napping during the day for another 3. I was worried about getting sick since that has derailed me in the past. Luckily I'm at the end of month two, so I'm definitely in a routine and have been for a while. But even as it stands right now, I'm worried about working out tomorrow. It's been a week! And even longer than that since I've done lift and sculpt. But I've gone too far now to stop now. Will I be able to walk on Tuesday? Probably not. But I'd rather be sore from getting back on the wagon then be disappointed in myself for not going back.

I'm disappointed in myself already for how poorly month 2 ended. I mean I did get sick, and I understand that. But the week before I didn't do much either. Month 1 ended so well too. Part of me can't even believe that it's already the end of month two - 8 weeks from when I first started working out and first started this blog. I can say that I do notice a difference. Is it a huge difference? No...but I notice it. My endurance is up for sure - I don't completely want to die every spinning class. And I do have more muscles, they're just still hiding under some extra body mass. Okay, let's be honest. They're hiding under fat. There! I said it. I feel better now.

It is funny how much you try to lie to yourself, or convince yourself of something that you know is not true. Like it's not fat that's hiding my muscles, it's body mass. Or I vacuumed today, so that should count as my workout. That's totally a workout. Except it's not. Is it being active? Sure. But it's not the same as spinning or kickboxing or even taking a walk. But how many times have I vacuumed and convinced myself it's a workout? To keep with my honest streak here - almost every Sunday. At least now I call myself out on my lie, but I still don't change it. I didn't try and get to spinning or yoga this afternoon, even though today was the first day I felt up to it. Wouldn't someone dedicated to working out do that? Jump right back in at the first available opportunity? Am I really just paying lip service to this whole Catie Gets Healthy thing?? I don't want to think that I am, but part of me wonders. Am I just doing what I have to do to say I'm trying? Am I pushing myself as hard as I possibly can? Keeping with the honesty again - no I'm not. I'm really not. I'm doing more than I was 2 months ago, but that's like saying 3 is more than zero. Sure it's true, but anything is greater than zero.

So that's where I'm at. It's the end of month 2 and I've finally admitted to myself that while I'm trying to get healthy, I'm not putting in as much effort as I should be. I'm coasting along at 3 days a week of going to the gym, and expecting huge results. Not. Going. To. Happen. And I know that this is going to sound the same as my month 1 recap, but unfortunately it still applies: I'm going to go to the gym at least 5 days a week. Monday through Friday. And if I can't get out of work early for Lift and Sculpt, then I will go the gym and do something else. No more excuses. And if I can't go one day during the week, then I get my lazy butt up on Saturday morning and go to the gym then. But enough is enough. I'm 26 years old and I'm still making excuses for myself, to myself. But not anymore.

~Catie

Day 50 (part two) - I need chocolate

Treadmills are a real bitch. I wasn't able to get out of work on time, and I missed lift and sculpt, which annoyed me. I was really close to going home and vegging out, but decided I had to do something. And my reward would be to eat some ice cream. Which is exactly what I'm doing right now. And, I don't feel too bad because it's a tasty Weight Watchers candy bar ice cream treat!

Luckily I made a fun, rocking playlist the other day because I really needed it on the treadmill. I was determined to work out as long as I would have normally today, so I jumped on the treadmill for 60 minutes. It started off great too - for about 10 minutes - then I was bored, and counting down the seconds. Which, as you know, makes the time go more slowly. I swear it happens. After about 20 minutes I was bored and breathing heavy, which makes the time go by doubly slow. I think I listened to "Telephone" by Lady Gaga & Beyonce, and "Hard" by Rihanna at least 3 times each. It's the only reason I got through the second half of my workout. Oh, and "Imma Be" by the Black Eyed Peas. For some reason those songs were all I wanted to hear.

So now I'm here, eating my candy ice cream bar and watching some terrible TV. I think it's now officially time to get to bed. I'm actually pretty tired from my workout, which I'm surprised about because I normally associate working out at home on the treadmill as a second rate workout. I'm not sure why either because I went for 60 minutes, and my heart rate was definitely consistently up. It's just some weird mental block I guess, which I'm getting over very quickly. And it doesn't really matter how I feel about the exercise I did today. The most important thing is that I worked out, and that's all that matters. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 50 - New York State of Mind

You still with me? I'm here I swear, I've just been MIA for a few days. Unfortunately this time I was MIA from the blog and the gym, so I'm feeling pretty blah today. I actually feel like I did 2 months ago before I even started working out. I'm tired, feeling lazy, and just kind of down. (That's why I'm writing this blog on Monday morning - I was too lazy to write last night but told myself I had to this morning). I only went to the gym 2 days last week, and both those days were lift and sculpt, which has a little cardio but not enough for it to count. And then I went to NYC this weekend and walked around a lot of Friday, but that's also not quite the same as spinning for 50 minutes.

Going to NYC was great - I got to see my family, do some shopping, and went to the opera on Saturday. My only problem with NYC is that it does a number on my self confidence and body image. I know it's not true, but I feel like everyone there is thin, gorgeous, and stylish. And then there I am with my sneakers and rain jacket. I can deal with that though - I'm not from NYC and that's okay. My biggest problem is when I went shopping. NOTHING FIT! And I really think the sizes are based on the shape of a 12 year old. I mean seriously! Why do you have a bunch of size 25 jeans (based on waist measurement), but no 30's?? And can you make a pair of jeans that aren't skinny??

I found lots of cute jackets and shirts, but every time I tired on a pair of jeans that would normally be my size, I couldn't even get them up my legs. And then I went up one or two sizes and managed to squeeze them on, but the waist was way too big! It was really frustrating since I could really use some new jeans. And I'm worried that now that I'm strength training my legs are just going to keep getting bigger and more muscular, and this problem is going to keep growing (no pun intended, but it made me giggle). AAAHHH!

Does anyone out there have this problem, and if so what do you do? Is there a brand of jeans you like, that actually fit you? Am I going to have to start to get my jeans tailored so they fit properly? I'm lost, and feeling down about everything - my lack of clothes that fit, my frustration about how I look - I'm just feeling blah. That's really the best way to describe it.

At least I'm back at the gym this afternoon for lift and sculpt, and the women in that class are great and really encouraging. I just hope it'll get me out of this funk. Til this afternoon.

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: None*

*yet

Day 45 - What's Fruit Got To Do With It?

I'm tired. Straight up exhausted. And it's starting to get annoying. I understand why I'm tired right now - I worked all day, worked out, and then went back to work to volunteer for our Spring Pledge Drive until 11pm. That all makes sense, and I believe it's legit. But what about earlier in the week? Or the week before that? I really thought that working out was supposed to up your energy level, but mine doesn't feel any different than before I started working out. Maybe my laziness back then helped store up energy? I'm not sure that's the way it's supposed to work, but that would be just my luck if it was. I mean, I manage to get into a workout routine, and it makes me so tired that I can't keep up with it.

I just can't buy that explanation though. I've done lots of research online (which I'm sure is 100% accurate - but whatever) and it all pretty much tells me that same thing: exercising helps increase energy. This sounds like common sense, but my body says otherwise. As I was reading more I found something that made me say 'oh...so that's why I'm tired all the time' and hit myself on the forehead at the same time. What was it? Eat better!

I'm not sure if anyone out there watches How I Met Your Mother, but on Monday there was a hilarious episode with Jennifer Lopez, who plays the author of the book Of Course You're Still Single, Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut. Blunt and to the point. And that's how I felt after I read about eating better - Of Course You Can't Lose Weight, Take a Look at Your Food, You Crazy Woman!

And I really didn't think I ate that poorly. I drink lots of water, try to watch my calories, and limit my junk food. But I was definitely missing fruits and vegetables in my diet, which has a lot of necessary healthy vitamins, as well as fiber to make you feel full. A lot of you may be thinking that this is common sense, and I know that it is. I can recite to you lots of great healthy eating tips. But that doesn't mean I'm able to makes those ideas a reality. In fact, I'm not - and I'm suffering for it.

I think it's time to take my get healthy plan to the next level. I've established a fitness routine, which I'm trying to build on that even more. I've also been keeping a food log, which is not quite as consistent as the working out, but it's getting there! But I think that I really need to get to a nutritionist and get some ideas. Why should I be putting in almost 300 minutes a week working out, if what I'm eating is negating everything, or almost everything, I'm putting in. That's crazy! I guess that's why people say "diet AND exercise" not "diet OR exercise". Sorry if I'm stating the obvious, but sometimes you have to say things out loud to make them real. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 120

Day 43 - Spinning and Skating and Sculpting - Oh My!

I know it's been awhile since I posted, but that's not because I haven't been working out. I have lots of free time now that Andy and I are done watching Battlestar Galatica (I have an inner nerd - don't judge!), and last Friday night a group of friends and I went ice skating, and it was really fun! I was sore from spinning the day before, but let's be honest - it's not like the soreness of spinning impeded my amazing skating skills. I was just happy to not fall down - and I didn't! I wasn't landing any triple toe-loops, but I didn't take out any small children either. So I'm counting it as a victory.

Ice skating really got me thinking about how excited I am for spring, which I know sounds strange (I promise I didn't hit my head), but it's true. Why? Because once it's nice out I can start doing different activities for my workouts. Skating really made me realize how fun it is to do something active with my friends, and I didn't even notice that I had been exercising for over 90 minutes! And once spring rolls around I can go for evening walks with Andy, and weekend hikes and canoeing trips with my friends. It's just going to be nice to mix up the workouts so I don't get bored, and to be able to get some fresh air.

I really needed some fresh air during lift and sculpt today. I'm not sure why exactly, but I got really lightheaded lifting today and just really missed the fresh air of being outside. I love that class, don't get me wrong, but I really just wanted to be in the sun. I think this may be a symptom of my larger cabin fever issues, but it doesn't change the fact that I want it to be warm out! I want to be doing things outside! I want to be able to drive around with my car windows down and not freeze, or get snow in the car! Yup, definitely suffering from cabin fever. But I think (finally) spring is around the corner. Then I can do all those fun things outside, until it starts to get too hot and I need AC. =0) Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 38 - Beat + Exhausted = Behausted

Let me just apologize in advance for this short blog post. I'm freaking beat. I'm not sure why either - it's not like work has been really stressful or I've had a bunch of shoots - but I am anyway. I did have Lift and Sculpt today, which definitely didn't help my behaustion (I'm going to make that word combo happen, just wait).

I think it's messing my emotions too because I just got choked up during a commercial for "The Locator", a show on WE where this guy finds people's lost relatives. I have never even seen the show, and I'm tearing up over the commercial. Yup. Definitely time for some sleep.

I really hope I'm not getting sick. Obviously I don't want to get sick because being sick is not a good time. But even more than that, I really don't want to miss a bunch of workouts because that would be tough to recover from. Being sick has derailed me in the past, and I don't want it to happen again. So it seems that it's now time for sleep, since I've already checked off drink hot tea and take a long shower. And now I can check off write blog. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 170

Day 37 - The Quest for Carrie Underwood Legs

Today was spinning class, and it was great! I know that sounds strange since I normally consider spinning to be a necessary evil in my quest for healthiness, but I had a really good time today. It was a tough workout, but fun too. And as I was spinning along, trying to convince myself to up the resistance just a little more I thought to myself, I want Carrie Underwood legs! You can't quit now! I bet Carrie didn't quit, and look at her legs! (No seriously - look at them. They're RIDICULOUS.)

Granted a lot of that is genetics, and I understand that my legs are probably not going to look like that. But I can try, and I can use that as motivation. Now, I'm not trying to look like a celebrity - I've said before that I'm not interested in looking like a skinny starlet anymore than I am a bodybuilder. And I know that being fit and attractive is a big part of their job description - they work out for hours a day! And no actual person has that kind of time. But that doesn't mean we can't strive to have our own personal version of Carrie Underwood legs, or Fergie's abs, or Jessica Biel's arms - whatever that may look like for us.

And that's what I'm going for. It's funny, but when I started out with my get-healthy plan I really just wanted to be healthier, and if I saw some physical changes then that would be a bonus. And it's still a bonus. But now that I'm actually starting to see some changes, I'm excited and I want to see where it takes me. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 110

Day 36 - Getting Back on the Wagon HURTS!

Somebody PLEASE remind me of how tired and sore I am the next time I even consider taking 4 days off from working out. I mean seriously! I've been working out for over a month now, and I feel like I'm just starting out. Luckily just laying on the couch watching TV doesn't require too much effort because I don't have a whole lot to spare. Even an extra long hot shower didn't help. There's only one thing that can help now - a tasty Weight Watchers Ice Cream Candy Bar!

It's been a while since I had any tasty low-calorie foods to share, but I found a new one when I went to Wegmans yesterday. They're called Bagel Thins and they're made by Thomas', and the best part? They're only 110 calories!! Plus they come in whole wheat! I love bagels - probably more than I should since they are pretty bad for you. And now not only can I have a bagel with light cream cheese in the morning if I want, I can make a tasty egg white and cheese sandwich on one! I know I sound really excited about these, but I love carbs. I really do. Pasta, bread, baked goods, bagels - all of it. I don't discriminate, and I really should because not all carbs are created equal. But now I can eat a bagel and not feel guilty!

Sometimes it's the small things in life that get you excited and feeling good. And seeing as how I could barely make it over to my bag to get my computer power cord, I'll take what I can get. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 60