It takes a village

I know everyone's heard the phrase "It takes a village...", and I know it's true, but at the same time part of me always thinks "I don't need anyone! I can do this all on my own." And fundamentally yes, step one is for me to believe that I can do it. But it certainly doesn't hurt to know you have a group of people who recognize you, know you, and notice when you're gone.

That's what I've found at my yoga studio - Pure Yoga Pilates (aka PYP) in State College. I won't lie - when I first started going I was super intimidated. Typical gym insecurities. I don't have the right clothes, I'm not in shape enough, I don't know anyone...you know where I'm going with this. But within 5 minutes of class starting I forgot all of those fears and just started having fun. And sweating. A lot. And you know what? Within a week I started to recognize people, and they started recognizing me too, which was a really nice feeling. And each of the teachers knew my name and made a point to say hi to me when I walked in, and asked me how life was that day. It may sound like a small thing, but to someone who has always felt kind of average and just part of a crowd, it meant a lot. Means a lot.

Soon after I started to learn names and even introducing myself! And now after being gone for months, the first couple of days back people asked me where I had been and how I was doing. It made me realize that I do matter, I am important, and people notice when I'm not there - something I never expected. And perhaps even more importantly, it's made me feel like I'm part of something bigger than myself. It's not only the accountability of "oh man, people will notice I'm not there tonight!", which can be a motivating factor for sure to get to the gym, but it's more of being a part of a whole.

And now with the 40-Day Program to commit, grow, and cleanse that the owner of the studio, Kerry, has started takes that to the next level. We have partners we check in with, special sessions for growth, mediation, and reflection, and it helps me feel part of something again. Something that I didn't even realize I was missing until I came back to PYP - community.

We tend to define ourselves to our jobs or by our relationships - I'm a video producer, I work for Penn State, I'm Andy's wife - but very few times do we get to say "I'm {insert name here}" and I have goals, passions, likes and dislikes, that matter. I've learned to embrace that at PYP. And everyone who takes classes at PYP are part of the community. Who we are, and perhaps more importantly who we want to be, become facets of PYP each and every class, and makes each class that much more meaningful. It goes beyond sore muscles and sweating. It's a family. And if there's one thing I have learned from trying to get healthy it's that maybe I could do it on my own, but for me, being a part of the community is making not only my body healthier, it's making the entire Me healthier. And isn't that the goal after all?

~ Catie

And it begins again...who's with me??

This is starting to become a trend, isn't it? Every year around this time I start working out again and inevitably stop. I know I'm not the only one, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I've been trying to figure out why I stop working out and sometimes the answer is obvious - I hurt my neck and couldn't for a few weeks, or I was sick and couldn't for a week - but that doesn't explain why it takes me weeks or even months to get back into it.

The funny thing is, if I'm being really honest with myself, it's not just working out that I tend to stop doing. (I'm refusing to use the word "quit" because there's no point in being that harsh with myself - what does it gain?). I stop doing a lot of things I actually enjoy! Like baking for instance. I love to bake - LOVE IT. The enjoyment I get when I see people eating and liking what I bake is crazy - I don't even care if I get to eat any of it myself. And I keep saying that I'm going to try and bake something new every weekend, and then try to make those recipes healthier. But have I done it yet? Nope. Why? I wish I knew, but I'm going to spend some time working on it. I don't have kids, my job has fairly regular hours, but somehow it's Sunday night and 8pm and I have no idea where my weekend went.

Maybe I set unreachable goals for myself. Maybe baking something new every weekend isn't realistic to start off. I could do one weekend a month, and then build up, but for some reason that's not my immediate response. It's all or nothing, and when I can't reach the all, I begin to feel like I accomplished nothing. Same with working out. After I've been away for awhile (this time it's about 3 months since I last worked out), I assume that I can go back to doing the same - actually more - than I did when I was going to the gym regularly. Why? I honestly have no freaking clue. Does anyone else do this? Am I setting myself up to fail so it's easier for me to give up? Say to myself, "Well you tried but you just couldn't cut it"? Well I'm done with this. Seriously, what is the point? I'm ready to make a change, but I've also realized that it's a slow build. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

So here it goes - another year and another fitness-based resolution. But it's going to stick this time because I'm ready to let myself succeed. With the help of great friends, an amazing husband, and an inspirational fitness community (I'll get to that next post) I'm ready. Finally.

~ Catie

Day 6: Sucks (or so I thought)

It figures I would jinx myself. It all started out with a post on my friend Kyle's facebook page. He congratulated me on doing well so far, and I made a funny little joke back saying that Day 6 was always the hardest, so I better watch out. Of course, at the time, I was kidding. But as it turns out, Day 6 almost broke the streak.

First, let me back up. Some of you might be wondering - how in the hell is it Day 6 when Monday was Day 1?? Well, technically Monday was Day 3 since I started my first day walking on New Years Day. But for the sake of starting the blog up again I said that my first post back was Day 1. What can I say - I love the drama.

But back to Day 6. Like I said, it all started as a joke that turned bad. I could not get out of bed this morning. And I don't mean, "Oh, woe is me. I'm still sleepy". No. It was, "F you alarm! I'm not getting up!!". Not only did I not get up for my walk this morning, I was late to work because I overslept. But, I knew I still had yoga tonight, so that made it okay.

Then the day got super busy. Freaking work man - always getting in the way. (When did I start channeling The Big Lebowski??) Anyway, by the end of the day I really didn't want to go to yoga. And you know that's bad because I actually really enjoy yoga. Especially the yoga where we get to lay on the ground at the end and just relax, which is what this yoga was. And I still couldn't get myself to go. I was drowning in a sea of lazy-assness, but luckily I was told to get my ass up and go.

I never really found the buddy system of working out to work for me, mostly for two reasons. One - I'm pretty competitive, even over stupid stuff like who's going the fastest on the spin bike (which is never me FYI) and two - I get really self-conscious that I'm going to look stupid or embarrass myself. Which I know is dumb because I've embarrassed myself way more in front of my friends out and about than I ever could at the gym (it's called the Shandygaff dance floor), but it's still how I feel.

But if it hadn't been for my friends today convincing me to get my ass to the gym at 4:55pm, I don't think I would have gone. I'm pretty sure I would have gone home, laid on the couch, and then beat myself up over not going because that's what I used to do. But now it feels like I accomplished something. Like this was my first hurdle, and it was my friends that got me over it. It's a really amazing feeling. So if any of them are reading this right now - thank you. And if you ever need some motivation to workout, I'll be there. =0)

~Catie

Let's try this again (aka Day 1 Redux)

Um, yeah. I really don't have anything to say. I could give you lots of excuses (I hurt my knee! I got really busy!) but at the end of the day I got lazy and gave up. Like I have many times before when I've tried to start a workout plan. And the way I see it, there are two ways I can look at the situation:

1) I can kick myself, get down, and just wallow in the fact that I "failed" once again

or...

2) I can look at what when wrong, as well as what went right, and try learn from it

I think I'm going to take option 2.

I read through some of my previous blog posts from last year, and it's cheesy to say, but me back then was inspiring! Which leads me to ask, "What the hell happened??" Seriously! I was so ready to go this time last year I could have convinced Sarah Palin to vote for Obama. That's how motivated I was. And it actually lasted for a few months, which I am pretty proud of since it's probably the longest a workout plan has lasted for me. And a lot of it had to do with this blog - I felt like I had to post, which kept me going to workout.

But I soon realized that it wasn't the best plan. I couldn't have the blog be my sole motivation; it had to come from me. But somehow it all blended together, and I started to feel obligated to the blog. I got annoyed with the forced need to write, and I took it out on my workouts. Which, looking back on it, was really stupid because the only person I was hurting was me. It's not like anyone reading this would be mad if I didn't post every day! Everyone knows what it's like to be busy, and when things start to become an obligation they become very difficult to do. At least for me, at this point in my life.

I want working out to be something I actually enjoy, which is something I've never really experienced. It's fun for a time, but it's not something I really look forward to. And, to be honest, I'm not really sure what to do. Do I only do workouts that I really like, and risk it becoming boring after a time, or do I force myself to do workouts that I don't really like, but I know will be good in the long run? Is there a happy medium? If there is, I'm still looking for it (and if you know, please share your secrets!!).

So, here's the deal. I'm now 27 years old - not getting any younger as they say. I currently weigh 155 pounds. Boom. There it is. For the whole webiverse to see. But, the number doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that I get winded and tired easily, and that it's only going to get harder to get healthier the older I get. So, as many have done before and will do after, my resolution is to get healthier.

My goal is to gain muscle, lose some inches, and just feel healthier. I could keep track of my weight, but gaining muscle gains weight, so that seems counterintuitive seeing as how I want to gain muscle. So I am going to judge it on how I look in the mirror, how my clothes fit, and my energy level.

Right now my plan is to walk 30 minutes every day on the treadmill. We have a treadmill in our basement, which is a huge help, and I hope to walk every morning before work. Why then? Well, because I know myself, and I will come up with every excuse in the book to not work out when I get home from work. Never fail. So I'm not giving myself the chance. At this point in the game, I don't trust myself to do what's best for me after a whole day of work, so I have to get it out of the way early, or else it won't work.

I'm also going to try and experiment with different workouts, similar to what I did last time around. Difference is, I will have already walked in the morning for 30 minutes, so if something is a bust I still worked out. I don't have to get down because I didn't get a great workout if I already walked in the morning, but I still have the chance to find some workouts I really like. Today will be the first try with a ballet-pilates hybrid class I'm taking after work. I'll let you know how it goes!

So, there it is. Catie Gets Healthy Part 2. I don't know what the future holds for me and getting healthy, but I have hope for this plan. And at this point, hope is the best motivator.

~Catie

Day 106 - Regret, Reflect, and Restart

I wish I could say that I've been kicking ass, and just not writing this blog because I've been so busy working out, but I can't. I haven't given up completely - I still work out 3 or 4 days a week. The problem is I'm in a rut. The classes I used to take (Lift and Sculpt, Spinning, Yoga) are starting to feel routine and boring. That's why I've started working out at home more, but I feel like I'm not getting the same workout. I not working out for nearly as long, and definitely not at same level of exhaustion. I take that back. During some workouts - like interval sprinting on the treadmill - I'm beat after 30 minutes. But I used to be beat after Spinning, and that lasted for 50 minutes.

So now, I work out 3 days a week, but it's for a total of 90 minutes instead of close to 200. And that makes a big difference. This is why I can't be surprised that after over 100 days, I'm in the same place I was after 70 days. When, in reality, if I had been pushing myself like I told myself I would, who knows where I'd be or what changes I'd see in myself.

This isn't the first time I've done this, and I wish I knew why I did these things. I get super excited about something in the beginning - working out, embroidery, baking - and it almost becomes an obsession. But then, inevitably, I start to get bored with it, and make excuses as to why I'm not into anymore, and then forget about it and move on. But I don't want to do that with working out. And the rational side of me knows that, and screams at me to not let it happen, but yet for the past month it has. At least I haven't completely stopped, but if I'm being honest with myself I've only been going at 50%.

Has this ever happened to anyone else? How do you get past it? Maybe I just need to change up my workouts ever few months so that I stay excited with it. Or maybe I just need to suck it up and realize that I may not always enjoy working out, but it necessary and I need to stop bitching. I think it's a combination of the 2, with an emphasis on the personal ass kicking. I just feel so tired of my bullshit. I can pay lip service until I'm blue in the face, but when push comes to shove I quit. Or I half ass it. And I don't want to anymore, but I don't know what to do.

So here is my plan. Knowing what I know about myself, I realize that it may not be realistic to work out for an hour a day, 6 days a week. Right now that is. Would I like to work up to that? Hell yeah! But you know what I can do right now? 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week. 30 minutes of cardio - walking, jogging, whatever it might be, but 30 minutes 5 days a week. And I know that I want to work strength training in there as well, 2 days a week to start.

Now you might be thinking that this sounds crazy, and I'm once again setting myself up to fail because this requires me to do something every day. But this plan is flexible. Lets say I'm going out after work one day. So I take what I'm supposed to do that day and add it to a day that I'm doing strength training, or vice versa. But I am purposely making this tough on me, so I can prove to myself that I can do it. And really, what's 30 minutes a day? NOTHING. And once I get into that routine, let's say 1 month from now (Day 136), I'll bump it up to 45 minutes a day. By then the routine will be set (hopefully) and I'll just bump up the amount of time.

I really think I can do this. I mean, I don't have a choice do I? If I don't I'll just keep coasting along, doing the minimum, and then feeling down that I'm not improving. Well no shit Sherlock! If you put in the minimum you get out the minimum. Sure, I've got more muscle definition, and my endurance is more than it was back in January, but there's still fat there. I'm still not as healthy as I want to be. So it's now or never. If I don't step it up I might as well stop altogether, because there's no point otherwise.

So, that's where I am right now. I'm restarting my quest to get healthy - 106 days in. Better now than never, right?

~Catie

Day 81 - A Date with a Treadmill

I was beat today, which is why I jumped at the chance to go to the movies with my husband right after work. Nothing like a good comedy (we went to see Date Night - really funny!) to make you feel better, right? What made me feel even better was that I didn't use the movies as an excuse to not work out, even though I really wanted to.

Luckily I specifically told Andy to not let me use it as an excuse. What can I say? I know myself and know that if I went to the movies at 5, by the time I got home at 7 I'd be tired and would still have to make dinner, get ready for bed, yada yada yada. Same excuse different day. But instead, I got home, changed into my workout clothes, grabbed my iPod, and went to the basement. No sitting on the couch, no turning on the laptop, nothing. Like I said, I know myself and I know my excuses.

I found a cardio workout on Self Magazine's website, and I was excited to try it for 2 reasons. 1) It was intervals, which I really enjoy because I think it makes the time go faster, and 2) it was only 25 minutes long because it was pretty intense. The workout consisted of a warm up for a few minutes, and then sprint for 30 seconds, recover for 90 seconds, repeat, for 25 minutes. I actually continued the cool down for an additional 5 minutes because my heart was still beating pretty fast by the end of the 25 minutes. But I figured that would happen - I mean, when's the last time I sprinted for any amount of time at 8mph? I can tell you - NEVER. But I felt really rejuvenated after the workout, which sounds kind of strange since it wore me out so much, but I really did have a lot of energy after.

Maybe it was the sense of accomplishment of not using the movies as an excuse, or trying something new, or even doing cardio for the first time since being sick. I think it was a combination of all 3, but regardless of what is was, the result was the same - I felt great. And that's reason enough to keep it up. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 90

Healthy dinners I've cooked so far this week: 3

Day 79 - Don't Call It a Comeback!

Hello? Anyone still out there? It's me, Catie. You know, the woman trying to get healthy? Just incase you forgot, since it's been 2 weeks since I last posted anything. Ugh. I'm sorry. I wish I could say I was doing something super fun - like vacationing in the Caribbean or something, but I wasn't. I was sick. Again. At first I thought it was allergies that started kicking my ass early last week, but then I got laryngitis. Good times! And I still have a wicked cough and stuffy head, but at least I was finally able to work out last night for the first time in over a week and a half. And it felt great! (Imagine Tony the Tiger's voice here - it made me laugh).

Anyway, I think it did my body some good taking a break from working out - and not because I couldn't breathe last week and probably would have passed out if I even attempted to do anything active - but because I was able to really see my improvement over the past 11 weeks or so. Normally taking a week and a half off would have derailed me, but there I was in Lift and Sculpt yesterday like it was part of my routine. Because it is now. It's right there with getting up and going to work.

Also, normally taking off that much time would have set me back a lot. And don't get me wrong - I am freaking SORE today - but that happens after every lift and sculpt. What I realized though was that I didn't lose any of my strength. I was still able to lift what I was before I got sick, which was a great feeling. I'm not going to use that as an excuse to take another long break if I can help it, but still - it was nice to know that I wasn't back at square one. Of course I haven't had spinning yet, so we'll see how that goes.

I am starting to get frustrated about getting sick so often though. It was less than a month ago that I had a sinus infection, and now this? I thought working out was supposed to help you from getting sick! But I'm finding out that what you eat is just as important as working out. And I realized something yesterday in the shower - I'm not 18 anymore. I'm going to be 27 in September, and it's about time that I realized that I can't just eat whatever I want, and justify it by working out. I need to exercise and eat better if I'm going to start to feel better - both physically and emotionally.

Of course, that's easier said than done isn't it? But looking back, I said the same thing about working out and now it's a part of my schedule. I just have to use that same motivation - and this blog - to get me out of my food comfort zone and trying new things. Will I like them all? Of course not. But at least I can try, and maybe even learn something about myself. Couldn't hurt, right? Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Healthy dinners I've cooked so far this week: 1

Day 64 - Workout Block

First, let me apologize for not keeping up with the blog over the past week. Some of it was real life getting in the way, some of it was laziness, and some of it was - for lack of a better term - writer's block. Now you may be wondering how I could have writer's block since I'm writing about my life, but I did. I can't tell you why either because I worked out 3 days last week, but nothing seemed interesting enough to write about. Nothing was new - no new challenges, no new epiphanies. It was just a regular week. And there's nothing wrong with that, it just doesn't make for a very interesting blog! So I tried to deal with my writer's block by figuring out the cause.

I came to the conclusion that hitting a weight-loss plateau is the equivalent of writer's block in the fitness world. I mean, think about it. You literally hit a wall when you can't loose any more weight, just like you hit a wall when writing. And it's always the last 5 or 10 pounds or so, isn't it? When you're so close to reaching your goal but it's still out of reach. I'm not a writer, so I don't know if that's what happens with writer's block, but I can imagine the frustration is the same regardless of when in the process it happens, or what the activity is.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I've hit a plateau or not in my get healthy plan, because I'm not keeping track of my weight. Well...that's not entirely true. I mean, there's a scale in the locker room at the gym, right by the sinks, and it calls my name every time I'm there! And I gave in last week. I stepped on the scale, and at first I did not like what I saw. I was still 155 pounds! Still the same weight as I was 2 months ago! How was that possible?? I've been working out for a least 3 hours every week for the past 9 weeks, and still weighed the same.

But the more I thought about it, the more okay I was with being the same weight. Why? Because like I said when I started this whole thing, it's not about the number, it's about how I feel. It's about reaching my goals, and getting healthier. So I decided to see if I had reached one of my goals - my goals pants. You remember those, right? The one size too small, gray skinny jeans I bought a few weeks back. Well I decided to try them on, and guess what? THEY FIT!! They actually fit, and not in a sausage squeezed too tight into it's casing kind of way, but in a "wow these are actually my size" way!

And in that moment I realized I did not care what the damn scale said. In fact, that scale can kiss my gray, skinny jean clad ass. Because I reached a goal - the first of many. And no piece of electronics is going to make me feel bad about myself, with some random digital number it spits out. That's supposed to define me? I don't think so. Not anymore anyway. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 60

Day 57 - What a Difference a Week Makes

Wow. That's all I have to say. I'm not sure if it was the week off from working out, being sick, not getting enough sleep - probably some combination of the three - but I was struggling today. Really struggling. We were doing squats and lunges, and I was getting light-headed. It was frustrating too because my muscles could take more, but I just couldn't. But I guess that's my body's way of telling me to slow down. Sometimes I just have a problem listening to what my body's telling me.

I have that happen a lot when I'm working out, which is funny because I have NO problem listening when my body tells me I feel sick, or hungry, or I'm tired and need to go to bed. But for some reason when I start working out, it's almost like I'm determined to get everything possible out of the time I'm putting in, so I push myself. That then leads to me getting lightheaded or getting my heart rate up too high, and then I feel crappy. But if I just looked at it rationally - Hey! You're going to hard. Slow down crazy lady! - then I wouldn't have this problem. But hindsight's 20/20 I guess.

It's hard to find a balance between going to hard, and just doing enough to get by, isn't it? I think that's part of my problem. I'm putting in my hour, so I feel like I have to go as hard as possible for that hour because if I don't then I'm not putting in my full effort. But it's not healthy to do that. And I recognize that - when I'm not working out. A lot of my problems stem from my perception of what I'm supposed to be doing, or how hard I'm supposed to be going, instead of just letting it happen. And letting it happen doesn't mean going easy on myself - I came to the realization yesterday that that's not an option. But I have to listen to myself, and maybe push a little bit more when I know I'm just trying to give up, but slow down when I know I'm going to0 hard. Now if I can just recognize when that happens. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 56 - Making Excuses for Myself to Myself

So I got it - the sickness. That doesn't really narrow it down since it seems like every other day there's a new bug going around, but mine was a fever, sore throat, and congestion. Ugh. I managed to work out on Monday, but not since then. I literally had NO energy. We're talking sleeping for 12 hours, and then napping during the day for another 3. I was worried about getting sick since that has derailed me in the past. Luckily I'm at the end of month two, so I'm definitely in a routine and have been for a while. But even as it stands right now, I'm worried about working out tomorrow. It's been a week! And even longer than that since I've done lift and sculpt. But I've gone too far now to stop now. Will I be able to walk on Tuesday? Probably not. But I'd rather be sore from getting back on the wagon then be disappointed in myself for not going back.

I'm disappointed in myself already for how poorly month 2 ended. I mean I did get sick, and I understand that. But the week before I didn't do much either. Month 1 ended so well too. Part of me can't even believe that it's already the end of month two - 8 weeks from when I first started working out and first started this blog. I can say that I do notice a difference. Is it a huge difference? No...but I notice it. My endurance is up for sure - I don't completely want to die every spinning class. And I do have more muscles, they're just still hiding under some extra body mass. Okay, let's be honest. They're hiding under fat. There! I said it. I feel better now.

It is funny how much you try to lie to yourself, or convince yourself of something that you know is not true. Like it's not fat that's hiding my muscles, it's body mass. Or I vacuumed today, so that should count as my workout. That's totally a workout. Except it's not. Is it being active? Sure. But it's not the same as spinning or kickboxing or even taking a walk. But how many times have I vacuumed and convinced myself it's a workout? To keep with my honest streak here - almost every Sunday. At least now I call myself out on my lie, but I still don't change it. I didn't try and get to spinning or yoga this afternoon, even though today was the first day I felt up to it. Wouldn't someone dedicated to working out do that? Jump right back in at the first available opportunity? Am I really just paying lip service to this whole Catie Gets Healthy thing?? I don't want to think that I am, but part of me wonders. Am I just doing what I have to do to say I'm trying? Am I pushing myself as hard as I possibly can? Keeping with the honesty again - no I'm not. I'm really not. I'm doing more than I was 2 months ago, but that's like saying 3 is more than zero. Sure it's true, but anything is greater than zero.

So that's where I'm at. It's the end of month 2 and I've finally admitted to myself that while I'm trying to get healthy, I'm not putting in as much effort as I should be. I'm coasting along at 3 days a week of going to the gym, and expecting huge results. Not. Going. To. Happen. And I know that this is going to sound the same as my month 1 recap, but unfortunately it still applies: I'm going to go to the gym at least 5 days a week. Monday through Friday. And if I can't get out of work early for Lift and Sculpt, then I will go the gym and do something else. No more excuses. And if I can't go one day during the week, then I get my lazy butt up on Saturday morning and go to the gym then. But enough is enough. I'm 26 years old and I'm still making excuses for myself, to myself. But not anymore.

~Catie

Day 50 (part two) - I need chocolate

Treadmills are a real bitch. I wasn't able to get out of work on time, and I missed lift and sculpt, which annoyed me. I was really close to going home and vegging out, but decided I had to do something. And my reward would be to eat some ice cream. Which is exactly what I'm doing right now. And, I don't feel too bad because it's a tasty Weight Watchers candy bar ice cream treat!

Luckily I made a fun, rocking playlist the other day because I really needed it on the treadmill. I was determined to work out as long as I would have normally today, so I jumped on the treadmill for 60 minutes. It started off great too - for about 10 minutes - then I was bored, and counting down the seconds. Which, as you know, makes the time go more slowly. I swear it happens. After about 20 minutes I was bored and breathing heavy, which makes the time go by doubly slow. I think I listened to "Telephone" by Lady Gaga & Beyonce, and "Hard" by Rihanna at least 3 times each. It's the only reason I got through the second half of my workout. Oh, and "Imma Be" by the Black Eyed Peas. For some reason those songs were all I wanted to hear.

So now I'm here, eating my candy ice cream bar and watching some terrible TV. I think it's now officially time to get to bed. I'm actually pretty tired from my workout, which I'm surprised about because I normally associate working out at home on the treadmill as a second rate workout. I'm not sure why either because I went for 60 minutes, and my heart rate was definitely consistently up. It's just some weird mental block I guess, which I'm getting over very quickly. And it doesn't really matter how I feel about the exercise I did today. The most important thing is that I worked out, and that's all that matters. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 50 - New York State of Mind

You still with me? I'm here I swear, I've just been MIA for a few days. Unfortunately this time I was MIA from the blog and the gym, so I'm feeling pretty blah today. I actually feel like I did 2 months ago before I even started working out. I'm tired, feeling lazy, and just kind of down. (That's why I'm writing this blog on Monday morning - I was too lazy to write last night but told myself I had to this morning). I only went to the gym 2 days last week, and both those days were lift and sculpt, which has a little cardio but not enough for it to count. And then I went to NYC this weekend and walked around a lot of Friday, but that's also not quite the same as spinning for 50 minutes.

Going to NYC was great - I got to see my family, do some shopping, and went to the opera on Saturday. My only problem with NYC is that it does a number on my self confidence and body image. I know it's not true, but I feel like everyone there is thin, gorgeous, and stylish. And then there I am with my sneakers and rain jacket. I can deal with that though - I'm not from NYC and that's okay. My biggest problem is when I went shopping. NOTHING FIT! And I really think the sizes are based on the shape of a 12 year old. I mean seriously! Why do you have a bunch of size 25 jeans (based on waist measurement), but no 30's?? And can you make a pair of jeans that aren't skinny??

I found lots of cute jackets and shirts, but every time I tired on a pair of jeans that would normally be my size, I couldn't even get them up my legs. And then I went up one or two sizes and managed to squeeze them on, but the waist was way too big! It was really frustrating since I could really use some new jeans. And I'm worried that now that I'm strength training my legs are just going to keep getting bigger and more muscular, and this problem is going to keep growing (no pun intended, but it made me giggle). AAAHHH!

Does anyone out there have this problem, and if so what do you do? Is there a brand of jeans you like, that actually fit you? Am I going to have to start to get my jeans tailored so they fit properly? I'm lost, and feeling down about everything - my lack of clothes that fit, my frustration about how I look - I'm just feeling blah. That's really the best way to describe it.

At least I'm back at the gym this afternoon for lift and sculpt, and the women in that class are great and really encouraging. I just hope it'll get me out of this funk. Til this afternoon.

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: None*

*yet

Day 45 - What's Fruit Got To Do With It?

I'm tired. Straight up exhausted. And it's starting to get annoying. I understand why I'm tired right now - I worked all day, worked out, and then went back to work to volunteer for our Spring Pledge Drive until 11pm. That all makes sense, and I believe it's legit. But what about earlier in the week? Or the week before that? I really thought that working out was supposed to up your energy level, but mine doesn't feel any different than before I started working out. Maybe my laziness back then helped store up energy? I'm not sure that's the way it's supposed to work, but that would be just my luck if it was. I mean, I manage to get into a workout routine, and it makes me so tired that I can't keep up with it.

I just can't buy that explanation though. I've done lots of research online (which I'm sure is 100% accurate - but whatever) and it all pretty much tells me that same thing: exercising helps increase energy. This sounds like common sense, but my body says otherwise. As I was reading more I found something that made me say 'oh...so that's why I'm tired all the time' and hit myself on the forehead at the same time. What was it? Eat better!

I'm not sure if anyone out there watches How I Met Your Mother, but on Monday there was a hilarious episode with Jennifer Lopez, who plays the author of the book Of Course You're Still Single, Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut. Blunt and to the point. And that's how I felt after I read about eating better - Of Course You Can't Lose Weight, Take a Look at Your Food, You Crazy Woman!

And I really didn't think I ate that poorly. I drink lots of water, try to watch my calories, and limit my junk food. But I was definitely missing fruits and vegetables in my diet, which has a lot of necessary healthy vitamins, as well as fiber to make you feel full. A lot of you may be thinking that this is common sense, and I know that it is. I can recite to you lots of great healthy eating tips. But that doesn't mean I'm able to makes those ideas a reality. In fact, I'm not - and I'm suffering for it.

I think it's time to take my get healthy plan to the next level. I've established a fitness routine, which I'm trying to build on that even more. I've also been keeping a food log, which is not quite as consistent as the working out, but it's getting there! But I think that I really need to get to a nutritionist and get some ideas. Why should I be putting in almost 300 minutes a week working out, if what I'm eating is negating everything, or almost everything, I'm putting in. That's crazy! I guess that's why people say "diet AND exercise" not "diet OR exercise". Sorry if I'm stating the obvious, but sometimes you have to say things out loud to make them real. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 120

Day 43 - Spinning and Skating and Sculpting - Oh My!

I know it's been awhile since I posted, but that's not because I haven't been working out. I have lots of free time now that Andy and I are done watching Battlestar Galatica (I have an inner nerd - don't judge!), and last Friday night a group of friends and I went ice skating, and it was really fun! I was sore from spinning the day before, but let's be honest - it's not like the soreness of spinning impeded my amazing skating skills. I was just happy to not fall down - and I didn't! I wasn't landing any triple toe-loops, but I didn't take out any small children either. So I'm counting it as a victory.

Ice skating really got me thinking about how excited I am for spring, which I know sounds strange (I promise I didn't hit my head), but it's true. Why? Because once it's nice out I can start doing different activities for my workouts. Skating really made me realize how fun it is to do something active with my friends, and I didn't even notice that I had been exercising for over 90 minutes! And once spring rolls around I can go for evening walks with Andy, and weekend hikes and canoeing trips with my friends. It's just going to be nice to mix up the workouts so I don't get bored, and to be able to get some fresh air.

I really needed some fresh air during lift and sculpt today. I'm not sure why exactly, but I got really lightheaded lifting today and just really missed the fresh air of being outside. I love that class, don't get me wrong, but I really just wanted to be in the sun. I think this may be a symptom of my larger cabin fever issues, but it doesn't change the fact that I want it to be warm out! I want to be doing things outside! I want to be able to drive around with my car windows down and not freeze, or get snow in the car! Yup, definitely suffering from cabin fever. But I think (finally) spring is around the corner. Then I can do all those fun things outside, until it starts to get too hot and I need AC. =0) Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 38 - Beat + Exhausted = Behausted

Let me just apologize in advance for this short blog post. I'm freaking beat. I'm not sure why either - it's not like work has been really stressful or I've had a bunch of shoots - but I am anyway. I did have Lift and Sculpt today, which definitely didn't help my behaustion (I'm going to make that word combo happen, just wait).

I think it's messing my emotions too because I just got choked up during a commercial for "The Locator", a show on WE where this guy finds people's lost relatives. I have never even seen the show, and I'm tearing up over the commercial. Yup. Definitely time for some sleep.

I really hope I'm not getting sick. Obviously I don't want to get sick because being sick is not a good time. But even more than that, I really don't want to miss a bunch of workouts because that would be tough to recover from. Being sick has derailed me in the past, and I don't want it to happen again. So it seems that it's now time for sleep, since I've already checked off drink hot tea and take a long shower. And now I can check off write blog. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 170

Day 37 - The Quest for Carrie Underwood Legs

Today was spinning class, and it was great! I know that sounds strange since I normally consider spinning to be a necessary evil in my quest for healthiness, but I had a really good time today. It was a tough workout, but fun too. And as I was spinning along, trying to convince myself to up the resistance just a little more I thought to myself, I want Carrie Underwood legs! You can't quit now! I bet Carrie didn't quit, and look at her legs! (No seriously - look at them. They're RIDICULOUS.)

Granted a lot of that is genetics, and I understand that my legs are probably not going to look like that. But I can try, and I can use that as motivation. Now, I'm not trying to look like a celebrity - I've said before that I'm not interested in looking like a skinny starlet anymore than I am a bodybuilder. And I know that being fit and attractive is a big part of their job description - they work out for hours a day! And no actual person has that kind of time. But that doesn't mean we can't strive to have our own personal version of Carrie Underwood legs, or Fergie's abs, or Jessica Biel's arms - whatever that may look like for us.

And that's what I'm going for. It's funny, but when I started out with my get-healthy plan I really just wanted to be healthier, and if I saw some physical changes then that would be a bonus. And it's still a bonus. But now that I'm actually starting to see some changes, I'm excited and I want to see where it takes me. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 110

Day 36 - Getting Back on the Wagon HURTS!

Somebody PLEASE remind me of how tired and sore I am the next time I even consider taking 4 days off from working out. I mean seriously! I've been working out for over a month now, and I feel like I'm just starting out. Luckily just laying on the couch watching TV doesn't require too much effort because I don't have a whole lot to spare. Even an extra long hot shower didn't help. There's only one thing that can help now - a tasty Weight Watchers Ice Cream Candy Bar!

It's been a while since I had any tasty low-calorie foods to share, but I found a new one when I went to Wegmans yesterday. They're called Bagel Thins and they're made by Thomas', and the best part? They're only 110 calories!! Plus they come in whole wheat! I love bagels - probably more than I should since they are pretty bad for you. And now not only can I have a bagel with light cream cheese in the morning if I want, I can make a tasty egg white and cheese sandwich on one! I know I sound really excited about these, but I love carbs. I really do. Pasta, bread, baked goods, bagels - all of it. I don't discriminate, and I really should because not all carbs are created equal. But now I can eat a bagel and not feel guilty!

Sometimes it's the small things in life that get you excited and feeling good. And seeing as how I could barely make it over to my bag to get my computer power cord, I'll take what I can get. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 60

Day 35 - Setbacks and Thin Mints

So I'm sitting here right now watching the closing ceremonies of the Olympics, drinking some tea, and debating whether or not I should have another Thin Mint. My vote is yes, as I continue to wallow in my own pity party. Why? Because I'm mad at myself. It was only a week ago that I set new goals for month 2 - to workout 4-5 times per week and to keep a food log. And now I'm writing this, having done neither of those things this week. And I've been eating terribly all weekend. Ugh....

The week started out so well too. Lift and Sculpt on Monday, Spinning on Tuesday, and Lift and Sculpt again on Wednesday. Then I planned to take Thursday off because I was getting my hair done, and that can take a while, so I didn't feel bad when I missed Thursday. Then Friday I was going to go to Lift and Sculpt, come home, make cupcakes for my friend's birthday, and have a great time at his party. And all of those things happened - except for Lift and Sculpt. I got out of work late, and it set my whole schedule off. Then add on the terrible late night eating on Friday and the ordering of lunch on Saturday afternoon, and I was feeling sick, bloated, and just plain gross.

And you'd think that would have been enough to get me off my ass and on the treadmill right? Nope. Couldn't even get myself to do that. So now I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself. And the rational side of me can see how pathetic and useless that is - I get nothing from doing this. Yet I can't seem to help it. Everyone has those days when they feel bad about themselves for whatever reason, and mine just happens to come after a disappointing workout week.

But I think it's time to put away the Thin Mints, finish my tea, and leave my pity party. I was the only one there after all. Oh well. Back on the workout wagon tomorrow with a little Lift and Sculpt. Til tomorrow.

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 170

Day 31 - Sore Here, There, and Everywhere

I went to spinning yesterday thinking it would help work out some of the soreness I felt after Lift and Sculpt on Monday. If it did then I'm grateful, but today I woke up with an inability to get out of bed. And for once it wasn't because I was tired (well not completely anyway) - it was because I couldn't move! Seriously. I tried to sit up - abs and lower back hurt. Stepped out of bed - quads, hamstrings, and calves hurt. Brushed my hair before my shower - biceps, triceps, shoulders, and chest hurt. And don't even get me started on trying to shampoo my hair. Even getting in and out of my coat hurt. And I had another Lift and Sculpt today.

I was going to go to 30/60/90 because it would keep me on schedule for weight lifting Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and cardio Tuesday, Thursday, and (maybe) a weekend day. Actually it would have been both strength and cardio. But after speaking to the Lift and Sculpt instructor yesterday - she teaches spinning right before the class I went to - she said that I should really come today because she takes into account what we worked in class on Monday and works some different areas on Wednesday. Plus I really like the instructor, and the great group feel of the class, so I decided to go.

I definitely noticed something today. I have muscles! I really do. They're just residing under a layer of fat currently. But I'm hoping that they start to make more of an appearance soon - hence the sliced apples and tea I'm drinking. I read online, so it may be completely false, that drinking tea after each meal will help to boost your metabolism and therefore burn more fat. Now I'm not sure if that's true or not, but what harm could come from drinking tea? I mean really. Tea is one of those foods/drinks that you always hear is great for you, like edamame and pomegranate. So I'm trying that to go along with the working out.

I'm still attempting to food log. I always get through lunch, but dinner comes and it's really hard to log the meal you've made. Breakfast = a bowl of Cheerios and 1/2 cup of skim milk. Lunch = Lean Cuisne, applesauce, and a jello pudding cup. But dinner? I made homemade meatballs on Monday night, and I tried to figure out how many calories were in each one based on the nutritional info for the ground beef, parmesan cheese, egg, bread crumbs, and garlic powder. I got so frustrated that I gave up. I'm not proud of that fact, but I was really hungry and blame my lack of patience on low blood sugar.

But I'm still trying. Not everything is going to take on the first try. I mean, it took my 20+ years to actually stick to a workout plan for more than a couple of weeks. Little by little it will stick.

Tomorrow I'm taking the day off - which is probably for the best since I'll probably be bed ridden with sore muscles. But then it's more Lift and Sculpt on Friday. Til then!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 170

Day 30 - The Music Makes the Workout

Everyone knows the saying "The clothes make the man" - or woman as the case may be. (I'm not sure I believe that, but that's getting off track). I believe that as much as the clothes makes the man, the music can make or break a workout. Music has the ability to inspire emotion and make us feel, whether it's heartache, joy, love, or happiness. Music is an incredibly powerful tool, there's no doubt about that. And that's why it's so important, in my opinion, to have good music - however you define that - when you are working out. And that's the great thing about listening to music - it's all personal preference. And when you have your iPod at the gym, or you're rocking out in your car, it doesn't matter what it is because you like it. Listen to what you like!

Except when you're leading a class to a group of spinners. I'm sorry. I'm all about personal preference in music and embracing all kinds. Anyone who has seen my iPod knows this. I can dance around to Beyonce and Lady GaGa, then rock out to Green Day and Queen, and then relax and sing along to the Beatles and Beach Boys. But when you are responsible for leading a 50-minute spinning class where you are going to be pushing people to their limits, you need something that is universally acceptable for working out.

I know it's up to the instructor's personal taste but come on! Today's spin instructor (for the second week in a row) has subjected us to techno-laced indie rock. And not GOOD techno or GOOD indie rock, but super obscure jammy stuff. And while there is a time and place for enjoying that music, spinning is not one of them. I found it nearly impossible to psych myself up for it. And when the instructors laptop died and the music ended for the last 15 minutes of class, I was happy! And you know it's bad when you'd rather have no music when working out than what was just playing.

And I'm sure that's what the instructor likes. If I was teaching the class and had classic rock mixed with pop I bet he wouldn't like that. But I don't think it's a coincidence that last week there were 12 people in the class, and this week only 4. I hate feeling judgmental because I'm all about "to each their own" but I draw the line at terrible music during spin. Oh well...til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 110