Day 64 - Workout Block

First, let me apologize for not keeping up with the blog over the past week. Some of it was real life getting in the way, some of it was laziness, and some of it was - for lack of a better term - writer's block. Now you may be wondering how I could have writer's block since I'm writing about my life, but I did. I can't tell you why either because I worked out 3 days last week, but nothing seemed interesting enough to write about. Nothing was new - no new challenges, no new epiphanies. It was just a regular week. And there's nothing wrong with that, it just doesn't make for a very interesting blog! So I tried to deal with my writer's block by figuring out the cause.

I came to the conclusion that hitting a weight-loss plateau is the equivalent of writer's block in the fitness world. I mean, think about it. You literally hit a wall when you can't loose any more weight, just like you hit a wall when writing. And it's always the last 5 or 10 pounds or so, isn't it? When you're so close to reaching your goal but it's still out of reach. I'm not a writer, so I don't know if that's what happens with writer's block, but I can imagine the frustration is the same regardless of when in the process it happens, or what the activity is.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I've hit a plateau or not in my get healthy plan, because I'm not keeping track of my weight. Well...that's not entirely true. I mean, there's a scale in the locker room at the gym, right by the sinks, and it calls my name every time I'm there! And I gave in last week. I stepped on the scale, and at first I did not like what I saw. I was still 155 pounds! Still the same weight as I was 2 months ago! How was that possible?? I've been working out for a least 3 hours every week for the past 9 weeks, and still weighed the same.

But the more I thought about it, the more okay I was with being the same weight. Why? Because like I said when I started this whole thing, it's not about the number, it's about how I feel. It's about reaching my goals, and getting healthier. So I decided to see if I had reached one of my goals - my goals pants. You remember those, right? The one size too small, gray skinny jeans I bought a few weeks back. Well I decided to try them on, and guess what? THEY FIT!! They actually fit, and not in a sausage squeezed too tight into it's casing kind of way, but in a "wow these are actually my size" way!

And in that moment I realized I did not care what the damn scale said. In fact, that scale can kiss my gray, skinny jean clad ass. Because I reached a goal - the first of many. And no piece of electronics is going to make me feel bad about myself, with some random digital number it spits out. That's supposed to define me? I don't think so. Not anymore anyway. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out this week: 60

Day 57 - What a Difference a Week Makes

Wow. That's all I have to say. I'm not sure if it was the week off from working out, being sick, not getting enough sleep - probably some combination of the three - but I was struggling today. Really struggling. We were doing squats and lunges, and I was getting light-headed. It was frustrating too because my muscles could take more, but I just couldn't. But I guess that's my body's way of telling me to slow down. Sometimes I just have a problem listening to what my body's telling me.

I have that happen a lot when I'm working out, which is funny because I have NO problem listening when my body tells me I feel sick, or hungry, or I'm tired and need to go to bed. But for some reason when I start working out, it's almost like I'm determined to get everything possible out of the time I'm putting in, so I push myself. That then leads to me getting lightheaded or getting my heart rate up too high, and then I feel crappy. But if I just looked at it rationally - Hey! You're going to hard. Slow down crazy lady! - then I wouldn't have this problem. But hindsight's 20/20 I guess.

It's hard to find a balance between going to hard, and just doing enough to get by, isn't it? I think that's part of my problem. I'm putting in my hour, so I feel like I have to go as hard as possible for that hour because if I don't then I'm not putting in my full effort. But it's not healthy to do that. And I recognize that - when I'm not working out. A lot of my problems stem from my perception of what I'm supposed to be doing, or how hard I'm supposed to be going, instead of just letting it happen. And letting it happen doesn't mean going easy on myself - I came to the realization yesterday that that's not an option. But I have to listen to myself, and maybe push a little bit more when I know I'm just trying to give up, but slow down when I know I'm going to0 hard. Now if I can just recognize when that happens. Til tomorrow!

~Catie

Minutes spent working out so far this week: 60

Day 56 - Making Excuses for Myself to Myself

So I got it - the sickness. That doesn't really narrow it down since it seems like every other day there's a new bug going around, but mine was a fever, sore throat, and congestion. Ugh. I managed to work out on Monday, but not since then. I literally had NO energy. We're talking sleeping for 12 hours, and then napping during the day for another 3. I was worried about getting sick since that has derailed me in the past. Luckily I'm at the end of month two, so I'm definitely in a routine and have been for a while. But even as it stands right now, I'm worried about working out tomorrow. It's been a week! And even longer than that since I've done lift and sculpt. But I've gone too far now to stop now. Will I be able to walk on Tuesday? Probably not. But I'd rather be sore from getting back on the wagon then be disappointed in myself for not going back.

I'm disappointed in myself already for how poorly month 2 ended. I mean I did get sick, and I understand that. But the week before I didn't do much either. Month 1 ended so well too. Part of me can't even believe that it's already the end of month two - 8 weeks from when I first started working out and first started this blog. I can say that I do notice a difference. Is it a huge difference? No...but I notice it. My endurance is up for sure - I don't completely want to die every spinning class. And I do have more muscles, they're just still hiding under some extra body mass. Okay, let's be honest. They're hiding under fat. There! I said it. I feel better now.

It is funny how much you try to lie to yourself, or convince yourself of something that you know is not true. Like it's not fat that's hiding my muscles, it's body mass. Or I vacuumed today, so that should count as my workout. That's totally a workout. Except it's not. Is it being active? Sure. But it's not the same as spinning or kickboxing or even taking a walk. But how many times have I vacuumed and convinced myself it's a workout? To keep with my honest streak here - almost every Sunday. At least now I call myself out on my lie, but I still don't change it. I didn't try and get to spinning or yoga this afternoon, even though today was the first day I felt up to it. Wouldn't someone dedicated to working out do that? Jump right back in at the first available opportunity? Am I really just paying lip service to this whole Catie Gets Healthy thing?? I don't want to think that I am, but part of me wonders. Am I just doing what I have to do to say I'm trying? Am I pushing myself as hard as I possibly can? Keeping with the honesty again - no I'm not. I'm really not. I'm doing more than I was 2 months ago, but that's like saying 3 is more than zero. Sure it's true, but anything is greater than zero.

So that's where I'm at. It's the end of month 2 and I've finally admitted to myself that while I'm trying to get healthy, I'm not putting in as much effort as I should be. I'm coasting along at 3 days a week of going to the gym, and expecting huge results. Not. Going. To. Happen. And I know that this is going to sound the same as my month 1 recap, but unfortunately it still applies: I'm going to go to the gym at least 5 days a week. Monday through Friday. And if I can't get out of work early for Lift and Sculpt, then I will go the gym and do something else. No more excuses. And if I can't go one day during the week, then I get my lazy butt up on Saturday morning and go to the gym then. But enough is enough. I'm 26 years old and I'm still making excuses for myself, to myself. But not anymore.

~Catie