It takes a village

I know everyone's heard the phrase "It takes a village...", and I know it's true, but at the same time part of me always thinks "I don't need anyone! I can do this all on my own." And fundamentally yes, step one is for me to believe that I can do it. But it certainly doesn't hurt to know you have a group of people who recognize you, know you, and notice when you're gone.

That's what I've found at my yoga studio - Pure Yoga Pilates (aka PYP) in State College. I won't lie - when I first started going I was super intimidated. Typical gym insecurities. I don't have the right clothes, I'm not in shape enough, I don't know anyone...you know where I'm going with this. But within 5 minutes of class starting I forgot all of those fears and just started having fun. And sweating. A lot. And you know what? Within a week I started to recognize people, and they started recognizing me too, which was a really nice feeling. And each of the teachers knew my name and made a point to say hi to me when I walked in, and asked me how life was that day. It may sound like a small thing, but to someone who has always felt kind of average and just part of a crowd, it meant a lot. Means a lot.

Soon after I started to learn names and even introducing myself! And now after being gone for months, the first couple of days back people asked me where I had been and how I was doing. It made me realize that I do matter, I am important, and people notice when I'm not there - something I never expected. And perhaps even more importantly, it's made me feel like I'm part of something bigger than myself. It's not only the accountability of "oh man, people will notice I'm not there tonight!", which can be a motivating factor for sure to get to the gym, but it's more of being a part of a whole.

And now with the 40-Day Program to commit, grow, and cleanse that the owner of the studio, Kerry, has started takes that to the next level. We have partners we check in with, special sessions for growth, mediation, and reflection, and it helps me feel part of something again. Something that I didn't even realize I was missing until I came back to PYP - community.

We tend to define ourselves to our jobs or by our relationships - I'm a video producer, I work for Penn State, I'm Andy's wife - but very few times do we get to say "I'm {insert name here}" and I have goals, passions, likes and dislikes, that matter. I've learned to embrace that at PYP. And everyone who takes classes at PYP are part of the community. Who we are, and perhaps more importantly who we want to be, become facets of PYP each and every class, and makes each class that much more meaningful. It goes beyond sore muscles and sweating. It's a family. And if there's one thing I have learned from trying to get healthy it's that maybe I could do it on my own, but for me, being a part of the community is making not only my body healthier, it's making the entire Me healthier. And isn't that the goal after all?

~ Catie

And it begins again...who's with me??

This is starting to become a trend, isn't it? Every year around this time I start working out again and inevitably stop. I know I'm not the only one, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I've been trying to figure out why I stop working out and sometimes the answer is obvious - I hurt my neck and couldn't for a few weeks, or I was sick and couldn't for a week - but that doesn't explain why it takes me weeks or even months to get back into it.

The funny thing is, if I'm being really honest with myself, it's not just working out that I tend to stop doing. (I'm refusing to use the word "quit" because there's no point in being that harsh with myself - what does it gain?). I stop doing a lot of things I actually enjoy! Like baking for instance. I love to bake - LOVE IT. The enjoyment I get when I see people eating and liking what I bake is crazy - I don't even care if I get to eat any of it myself. And I keep saying that I'm going to try and bake something new every weekend, and then try to make those recipes healthier. But have I done it yet? Nope. Why? I wish I knew, but I'm going to spend some time working on it. I don't have kids, my job has fairly regular hours, but somehow it's Sunday night and 8pm and I have no idea where my weekend went.

Maybe I set unreachable goals for myself. Maybe baking something new every weekend isn't realistic to start off. I could do one weekend a month, and then build up, but for some reason that's not my immediate response. It's all or nothing, and when I can't reach the all, I begin to feel like I accomplished nothing. Same with working out. After I've been away for awhile (this time it's about 3 months since I last worked out), I assume that I can go back to doing the same - actually more - than I did when I was going to the gym regularly. Why? I honestly have no freaking clue. Does anyone else do this? Am I setting myself up to fail so it's easier for me to give up? Say to myself, "Well you tried but you just couldn't cut it"? Well I'm done with this. Seriously, what is the point? I'm ready to make a change, but I've also realized that it's a slow build. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

So here it goes - another year and another fitness-based resolution. But it's going to stick this time because I'm ready to let myself succeed. With the help of great friends, an amazing husband, and an inspirational fitness community (I'll get to that next post) I'm ready. Finally.

~ Catie

Day 6: Sucks (or so I thought)

It figures I would jinx myself. It all started out with a post on my friend Kyle's facebook page. He congratulated me on doing well so far, and I made a funny little joke back saying that Day 6 was always the hardest, so I better watch out. Of course, at the time, I was kidding. But as it turns out, Day 6 almost broke the streak.

First, let me back up. Some of you might be wondering - how in the hell is it Day 6 when Monday was Day 1?? Well, technically Monday was Day 3 since I started my first day walking on New Years Day. But for the sake of starting the blog up again I said that my first post back was Day 1. What can I say - I love the drama.

But back to Day 6. Like I said, it all started as a joke that turned bad. I could not get out of bed this morning. And I don't mean, "Oh, woe is me. I'm still sleepy". No. It was, "F you alarm! I'm not getting up!!". Not only did I not get up for my walk this morning, I was late to work because I overslept. But, I knew I still had yoga tonight, so that made it okay.

Then the day got super busy. Freaking work man - always getting in the way. (When did I start channeling The Big Lebowski??) Anyway, by the end of the day I really didn't want to go to yoga. And you know that's bad because I actually really enjoy yoga. Especially the yoga where we get to lay on the ground at the end and just relax, which is what this yoga was. And I still couldn't get myself to go. I was drowning in a sea of lazy-assness, but luckily I was told to get my ass up and go.

I never really found the buddy system of working out to work for me, mostly for two reasons. One - I'm pretty competitive, even over stupid stuff like who's going the fastest on the spin bike (which is never me FYI) and two - I get really self-conscious that I'm going to look stupid or embarrass myself. Which I know is dumb because I've embarrassed myself way more in front of my friends out and about than I ever could at the gym (it's called the Shandygaff dance floor), but it's still how I feel.

But if it hadn't been for my friends today convincing me to get my ass to the gym at 4:55pm, I don't think I would have gone. I'm pretty sure I would have gone home, laid on the couch, and then beat myself up over not going because that's what I used to do. But now it feels like I accomplished something. Like this was my first hurdle, and it was my friends that got me over it. It's a really amazing feeling. So if any of them are reading this right now - thank you. And if you ever need some motivation to workout, I'll be there. =0)

~Catie